An email popped into my inbox the other day, relating to depression, anxiety and the mental health of young men.

Whilst – just in case you hadn’t noticed – my passion/interest/focus for depression and mental health issues is with mothers, the mental health and suicide rates of young people, boys in particular, scares the bejeezus out of me. Because I have three young boys, one of whom is rapidly approaching that critical age.

Because I have experienced depression and know what it can do to your head, and your life and the potentially fatal consequences of it.

Because I had depression after the birth of my first and I’m worried I “broke” him.

Mostly, it’s the having boys and knowing the rates of mental health issues and suicide rates and the lack of services and support out there for them. It. Scares. Me.

A lot.

Anyhoo, this email arrived; an inititive to support young men and mental health concerns, in a way that I think is brilliant and they’ve put a great deal of thought into it.

The initiative is called Play It! Say It! Here’s a snippet of the email from Elizabeth, one of the brains behind the idea:

We call the initiative – Play It! Say It! – and it explores the idea that linking game consoles like Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 with the expertise of online and phone counsellors can bring help to young men with mental health problems, in a way that is comfortable and safe.

As I said, I think this is a brilliantly, well thought out concept. Amazing what sufferers of depression and mothers of tweenagers can come up with that our government agencies can’t!

Here’s where you can read a bit more about the concept http://www.playitsayit.com/ouridea.html#works

Whether it’s a concept that will work or how effectively it will work, I guess, remains to be seen. I do however, believe it is a huge step in a fantastic direction, and has the potential to do something for young males (in particular) in a world that they are familiar with.

And I just had to share that with you all.

Please visit Play It! Say It! and offer them your support and feedback. I, for one, am extremely grateful that someone has actually considered young men and what they actually do, in their bid to offer them support and help.

http://www.playitsayit.com

I take it back. My post earlier, about the article Jacinta Tynon wrote in last weekends’ Sunday Life about how “easy” it is being a Mum.

I went for a bit of a walk (to school pickup) and in order to take my mind of the screaming toddler, I had a think.

I’m sorry. I take it back.

You see, Jacinta is a New Mum. With an Easy Baby. A baby a mere 9 months old.

She is a First Time Mum. She knows everything.

Well, actually, that’s a lie. She knows a LOT. Quite a LOT. We all know First Time Mums – well, not all of them, but a lot of them – know Everything About Parenting.

Oh, I did it again with the Everything. No, she doesn’t know Everything. She knows Almost Everything.

The only people who know more about Parenting than First Time Mums like Jacinta (again, not all First Time Mums, but a lot of them) are elderly In-Laws who have had bazillions of children.

And even they don’t know everything.

The only ones who know Everything About Parenting are the Childless. They fall into several categories; The Elderly Childless, The Childless By Choice and the Not Yet Ready For Children.

So back off Jacinta, OK! Cos she knows A LOT.

And when she’s experienced a bit more of this parenting lark and/or has more kids (have one here you can have, J! That’ll give you an experience of “not easy”) then she will know a bit less.

Then you can bitch about her.

Ah, dear. I had been staying out of the bitchfest “mummy wars” that have flared up since Jacinta Tynon’s article in last weekends “Sunday Life”

The one she so dearly entitled Is motherhood really that hard?

I didn’t, to be fair, actually read the article. Someone sent me the link, thought I’d be interested, had a quick glance, thought “yadda yadda blah blah blah”, took in a few points and went back to the weetbix being smeared into hair situation going on in the other room.

A couple of colleagues did, however, blog and post about it, in defence of their beliefs and in great support of their members. One cyber-friend even implemented a self-imposed on all media. Don’t blame her.

A couple of my members and other friends have been most surprised I haven’t “been all over this one” (oh, and the stupidly ridiculous suggestion by Giselle Supermodel (who the fuck is she anyway?) that breastfeeding be mandatory - yeah, you go girl. And maybe stick to modelling and not speaking).

So, it is for my friends and family that I have chosen to finally comment on this article.

And I reply in the way I reply to all rants and ramblings along the same line.

I smirked, knowingly. I smiled smuggly and nodded politely.

Then, over dinner, Grumpy Pants and I pissed ourselves laughing at her ignorance. Oh, and her stupid comments.

Again, I will laugh even louder and harder when she actually experiences … something. Let’s just call it, oh I don’t know … reality?

And that is all I have to say on the matter.

In light of a few recent articles in various newspapers, like the one I rambled about yesterday and the one I was interviewed for the day before (There’s No harm done in being a working mum) and subsequent interviews on various radio shows, where the discussions all turned to childcare and/or who the best person/people are to care for your children, I’ve had this niggly little annoying thing going on in my brain.

It’s also coming about with the Federal election looming and discussion of paid parental leave, and paid parental care.

This term “Parental Care” when I first heard it (during a radio interview and mentioned by Tempe Harvey of Kids First) I thought “Cool!” and immediately imagined it to be some sort of set up, not dissimilar to a babysitting club or arrangement, or family day care set up, whereby parents, assumingly the stay at home mums,  are paid (by the government, taxpayers, someone, don’t know who, it wasn’t my scenario) to look after kids in the local area, while oher mums go off to work.

But my head – stupidly – always goes to community and a supportive society.

Crash! Back to the real world.

Nope. This term, in fact, refers to parents being paid to look after their own children, in their own home.

Aside from the fact that I feel this does nothing to support the choices women (mothers) make, and for mums to choose what is best for their own health and wellbeing (yes, yes, we all know children first, and having a severely depressed, psychotic mother is all well and good, so long as she exclusively breast feeds for 24 months or something </sarcasm>) which, personally, I feel is imperative to being a “good” mother, it also doesn’t recognised the fabulous contribution that mums make to the workforce, and, subsequently, society.

People in work forces do actually do stuff that helps stay at home mums, too, you know. They answer phones when you ring to sort out your health insurance, and serve you at the local supermarket and do all kinds of things.

Just, you know, simple things like helping a society to function.

(Notwithstanding, of course, those women who choose not to have children at all – they also contribute greatly to the functioning of society as a whole!)

For me, part of it is about recognising the things that everyone contributes to a funcitoning society and making all the bits work.

But there’s another bit that scares me. Terrifies me, if I’m being honest.

Effectivley this movement, and some sanctions, are arguing for being paid to care for and raise their own kids.

You all know my thoughts on it being the “hardest job in the world” along the lines of “it is not a job“.

A couple of things. If all parents were to raise their children so that they were able to contribute to and integrate into a thoughtful, compassionate and “for each other” society, I may be just a teensy bit for being paid to parent.

As it stands, some parents are blatantly against it and are raising selfish little brats with an “it’s all about me” attitude and huge beliefs in entitlement, all rights and no responsibilty. Some of those who are there for their kids all the time and think the are “doing the best job” are also creating these children who will grow up to be adults.

I’m also not sure how you would or could police such a thing. Especially not with our society’s current “I can do what I want” belief, disrespect for fellow citizens and stupidly ridiculous handing down of sentences for what amounts to murder, in some cases.

The other thing, the realy scarey bit for me, is “how much is the job worth?” I’m not sure of the current agreement, but I recall years ago that surf lifesaving was a volunteer position, for the very reason that they couldn’t put a price on the awesome things they did, and the potential for a surf lifesaver to say “Nah, not paid enough to jump in and rescue you mate. You’ll just have to drown out there. Sorry ’bout that.”

I feel the same about parenting. We are already seeing far too much of the “it’s the teachers responsibilty to teach manners/respect” or someone else’s “job” to deal with bullying or abusive kids and no one wanting to take responsibilty for the behaviour of children, or to teach them or empower them. It’s all too hard and ther’es lots of finger pointing and throwing of hands up and saying “it’s not my job!”

So, when we start to “pay” parents to raise and care for their own children, when is the pay not going to be enough? When some parents can’t/don’t/won’t teach some basic social skills as it is, what point will it get to?

“Yeah, sorry, I’m not being paid enough to deal with vomit and poo. As of today, I will no longer be changing nappies or toilet training, and if you spew, you’ll have to clean it up yourself?”

“Nurses get paid way more than I do, so you can either put that bandaid on yourself, or call and ambulance. Whatever.”

I’m still firmly of the belief that when you call “parenting” a “job” you significantly reduce the pereception of the responsibilty and emotion that is involved.

When you start putting a monetary figure on it, you cheapen what it is, what’s involved and open the gates for “is it worth it?”

I know I’m not being paid anywhere near enough for what I have to deal with some days. For me, that gives me incentive to raise children that can function, contribute to and be empathetic towards society and others living within it.

Start putting a value on it, and it becomes more about the individual than it already is. Everyone for themselves.

And that frightens me no end.