Once upon a time … and quite possibly it still happpens in some cultures, and probably hasn’t happened in Western culture for quite some time … there were some cohesive, working communities.

What happened (happens) in these communities was that there were a bunch of them, usually the menfolk of certain age, that would head off with their loincloths and spears and killl (or find dead animal-like things) and return to the headquarters of the tribe and present their wares (the kill, not what was under their loincloth) for cleaning and cooking and sharing with the rest of the tribe.

Meanwhile, another, smaller bunch, of usually older menfolk  and womenfolk, would oversee the goings on of the rest of the tribe, including ensuring the integration, learning and socially acceptable behaviours of the younger tribal folk.

One group of womenfolk would remain home-bound and supervise, play with and educate a larger bunch of the younger-folk, while a second group of usually fitter and possibly a smidge younger womenfolk wandered off into the wilderness to collect berries and leaves and various other ingredients for cooking and cleaning and making loincloths for the hunter-menfolk. 

Ultimately, everyone had a role in the workability and sustainability of the tribe as a whole; from food collection and cooking, feeding, clothing and sheltering the members,  caring for the younger members, and seeking wisdom and guidance from the older members.

Shift now to 21st Century Western cultures … where the concept of community and cohesiveness and everyone looking out for and contributing to the sustainablity of the tribe and what do we have?

Our “elders”, usually a bunch of over-educated toffs making decisions that they are incapable of following through with and, certainly in Melbourne, seemingly incapable of enforcing any sort of significant punishment for socially unacceptable behaviours and doing nothing to aid the educating of our youth or teaching them socially acceptable behaviours.

Our youth have few leaders they can look to for wisdom and guidance, and are being raised in a “community” that is less about community and more about “everyone for themselves” and “I’ll do what I like, screw you!”

And the bit that really makes me sad?

We have a media-influenced belief that there is a war between the stay at home mums and the working mums. So much so that we are starting to see a greater divide between the two groups, and some very vocal (albeit small, thank goodness) members of the “mother’s “should” stay home and look after their children” brigade that are so focussed they are incapable of seeing the value that the working mother’s contribute  to society.

I’m not referring to just the taxes they pay. The taxes that go towards roads and hospitals and schools. Ok, that was wishful thinking and goes back to the earlier comment about our elders. The taxes that go towards building new casinos, and allegedly towards schools, hospitals etc.

I’m referring to the fact that it is often the working mum that answers the phone when we ring about our health/home/car insurance. She is our kids’ teacher, the lady who serves us at the supermarket/bank/cafe, and the nurse who tends to our sick child in the middle of the night at the emergency department. She is the swimming teacher, the pre-school reading time book-reader and the police-woman who books the speeding/drunk driver.

Personally, I’m incredibly grateful for the working mum. It was she who turned up, via flashing lights on top of an ambulance, when my 15 month old stopped breathing. Her child was only 17 months old. If it weren’t for others like her, I wonder about the state of our already diminished ambulance system.

In fact, if it weren’t for ALL working mums, regardless of how often or how long they work, where they work or who they work for, I wonder about the state of many of our systems and services. We already complain about lack of service in many sectors, what happens if we lose a chunk of incredibly wonderful workforce?

A lot more complaining, I would imagine. And possibly a lot more sick children being left untreated, ambulances being delayed longer and let’s not the already long queues in the supermarket at peak time …

I worry that the voices of the minority are getting louder and scared they will be taken seriously.

Not just that working mums won’t, or that those thinking of going back to work will reconsider, but the stay at home mums, those that I personally see as the important part of the tribe that cares for the children will jump on this bandwagon and shun the working mum.

The ”working mums” contingent of the tribe contribute to this society, too. Rather than both fighting for who is “right”, I’d like to see them working together, for the benefit of us all.

Whilst I’m grateful, so very grateful, for the working mum for so many reasons, I’m also just as grateful for those stay at home mums who have taken my children on, cared for them, fed them, bathed them, gave them shelter and a bed and ensured they got to school, clean and on time, so that I could contribute to the community in my way.

It’s not about one versus the other, it is about us working together.

For the benefit of the tribe. As a whole.

So long as our menfolk don’t start wearing loincloths, I’m happy.