Breastfeeding in Public – aren’t we forgetting something?
I am a breastfeeding Mum. Third time around.
I’m not proud of it.
I’m not not proud of it either.
I just am.
I am also, however, sometimes … embarrassed … ashamed … to be a part of this group.
You see, I was recently part of a discussion with a group of mums with similar interests. I.e. breastfeeding our babies. I use the term ‘discussion’ loosely. It was more someone had a vent about something someone said to them when they were breastfeeding publicly, and everyone jumped in and told their own story (mostly without reading anythign anyone else said).
Whilst I am a very strong advocate for breastfeeding, and think all women deserve the right to choose to breastfeed (or not), in public and without any fear of discrimiation, prejudice or comment from passsers-by, the self-righteousness of some from this group astounded me.
Like it or not, there a people around us who also have very strong beliefs about breastfeeding. Especially breastfeeding in public. It may be religious or cultural beliefs. We have a massive cohort from a particular generation who were brought up on the very belief – rightly or wrongly – that breastfeeding was not ok. That women feeding in public were wanton trollops with no morals. Or whatever.
I’m not debating whether this is right or wrong – just that it is. It’s that people have very strong views about breastfeeding in public; both for and against the practice. I find it extremely hypocritical that some women can stand there and demand respect to feed in public, yet at the same time, totally disrespect that other people have thoughts, feelings, beliefs and values, too.
Sadly, this ‘discussion’ went to the point of suggesting that a kind man, who offered the use of a private room with comfortable chairs for a breastfeeding mother, was “whisking her away so she wouldn’t upset others”, and that feeding rooms were designed to remove breastfeeding mothers from the public eye so as not to offend. Women who choose to hide themselves away are doing the advocacy for the right to breastfeed in public a disservice, perhaps?
That some people do find breastfeeding Mums discomforting or offensive, and that some mums do prefer the quiet and comfort of feeding rooms for numerous reasons is quite beside the point for these women.
I don’t think breastfeeding in public is really the issue here. We have laws that prevent discrimination of this practice, and a media contingent that will jump on any bandwagon where any breastfeeding mother has been slightly wronged. Even if the article makes no sense what-s0-ever or is completely ridiculous. Breastfeeding in public is acceptable in our society, and certainly by a majority of our citizens.
No, the issue is something completely different. Well, there are two issues, really.
The first is that there are a number of people out there who think it is totally acceptable to comment to a breastfeeding woman. And not just any comment either. Particularly nasty comments, at times. People are more polite to someone who lights up a cigarette beside them (”Do you mind blowing that smoke the other way, please?”) than they are to a woman feeding her child. Why anyone thinks it’s ok to do this is beyond me; to speak to anyone in such a manner, for any reason, is just totally unacceptable.
Secondly, why is it that soooo many Mums are, quite frankly, paranoid when they are feeding bubs in public? Why is it that anyone looking at them is “glaring in distaste”? Or two people chatting as they walk by are obviously in disbelief . “Did you see that? She’s breastfeeding! And in public!”
Unless anyone actually comments directly about the feeding, why assume that it’s the problem? Maybe they don’t like what you’re wearing. Or your hair. Maybe you got them on a bad day. Hey, how’s this for a thought … readical as it may seem … maybe it has nothing to do with you at all!
Why is it that a kind man can offer a quiet, comfortable place without being accused of doing the wrong thing? Personally, I would – and have – thank him for thinking of me.
The issue isn’t breastfeeding in public. It’s the lack of respect we, as a society, have for others. And, sometimes, the lack of confidence we have in ourselves and our beliefs.
8 comments
Here, here. Very well said. I completely agree with you – we need to have more respect for others beliefs, and not only with breastfeeding in public either!
well done! Breastfeeding is natural and a great way to bond with your baby but i do understand how some women feel with my first baby (yes a story) I had pnd so I felt strange breastfeeding in public esp exposing myself I wasn’t horrifed by it as I felt it was natural just worried about showing my boobs. the more mums feed in public the more it will be seen as normal. mums need to step out and make a statement whether thats going for it or with a nursing cover like the one I sell. freedom to feed is an amazing thing we are so lucky in this country we can do that. great topic Amanda.
Yes, but … no sorry – can’t agree with you entirely, because is nobody agitates for change, it doesn’t occur. And pandering to other people’s sensibilities is not always a good thing. My mother’s generation would NEVER have visited the City without hat, gloves and stocking-clad legs. Ponder that next time you slink around Chadstone in a flimsy summer outfit! Or think of a world where women left the paid workforce permanently when they married.
Some people think it is okay to beat their children – in private, if not in public. Some cultures believe women should not leave the house without their head being covered. Some people thought black people shouldn’t be allowed to share the white people’s swimming pool , just in case. Or the schools, buses, toilets.
Some people believed Jews were a sub species that needed eliminating.
So no, I don’t think we should always bow to other peoples belief. And I think we need to speak up on behalf of those who are not able to do so themselves: the babies. Who are having their feeds deferred, delayed or interrupted by mums too fearful to feed them in public view. And those whose mothers suffer a lot of anxiety and demand trying to express milk prior to any activity outside the house, in case the baby needs to eat.
There are three options available in our community, designed to meet the needs of all breastfeeding mother/baby pairs away from home: the first is that feed time is unremarkable and occurs wherever they are, with confidence in their right to do so. The second is the ABA Breastfeeding Welcome Here accreditation, awarded to businesses and services who wish their support of breastfeeding women to be on record. And the third is the ABA accredited Baby Care Room facility, where mothers who choose not to feed in public can find a haven away from home.
As a society, we need to work together to ensure all of these options are supported and made available. Let all mothers work towards this common goal and stop wasting energy fighting each other.
I do sometimes think that as woman we need a ’story’ to share and perhaps there is little to no times ever that people in general do not accept breastfeeding in public. I have fed my babies till well into toddlerhood in public and you know what?people just mind thier own business. I wouldnt know if they werent anyways because I dont go staring down anyone who dare glance in my direction, I just smile and always get a smile in return.
Julia – I do wonder that, too – I am always confident when BF in public, and perhaps my “Don’t f*** with me” look stops people from commenting
. I always see the positive in the actions of others – if there are any actions from others when I’m BF, mostly I’m just pretty much ignored. And I breastfeed in LOTS of public places.
Yvette, exactly, I agree with you – I didn’t mean to imply that we “bow” to other people’s beliefts – just that they do have them and we need to be aware of them. Most comments to breastfeeding mothers come from people with these beliefts … the comments are about them, not the mothers themseleves or the breastfeeding. I don’t think you can demand and receive respect from others if you don’t give it. Again, not suggesting you stop or hide – definitley suggest you stand up for yourself if anyone says anything, just don’t take it personally, it’s not about you, its about them.
I think my last point may have been overlooked – that people thing its totally ok to speak to others in the manner that they do – that’s my point!
I’m definitely an advocate for BF in public, and I would, and do, speak up!
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