Childcare – who gets first dibs?

Interesting segment on Today Tonight last night regarding Stay At Home Mums and use of childcare.

Unfortunately, I was one of those who appeared on the segment, and was interviewed, along with a SAHM and parenting educator, Michael Grose. Basically, it was a presentation about whether SAHMs needed to use childcare or not.

Before I kick into the discussion, I have to say I was overly unimpressed with being portrayed as the person who things SAHM’s don’t need childcare. They got Michael saying all the good stuff about how all mums need a break. I said that, too, only way better. But they needed a two sided argument and obviously couldn’t get anyone else to say it (I had numbers I could have given them!), so I was the idiot.

Anyhoo, interesting debates have sprouted around the place about who gets first dibs on childcare – especially when there are a lack of places in a particular area. Of course, calling these segments and articles and similar “Mums At War” and “Mummy Wars” and the rest of it only set the scene – and influences people’s thoughts –  for what is to follow in the article/segment.

So who is entitled to first dibs on Childcare?

Is it the working Mum, who has a place to be, others relying on her, being paid to do a job, with specific places to be a specific times? Surely she has the right to bump up the waiting list ahead of everyone else, because she has someone relying on her?

Oh, hang on. But  what about the business owner with kids? Doesn’t she have others relying on her, too? Clients and customers to do things for? It’s her source of income, and, of course, aids the family in whatever way, so having no care means she can’t earn that income, right? So if she has no care, how can she run her business effectively?

But that’s not fair, because at least the working mums and, to an extent, the self-employed mums get a break from the kids and do something that isn’t kid related, and the SAHM gets to spend all their time (depending on who you speak to, of course) with the kids, so shouldn’t they be the ones who get first go at whatever care is available, to give them a break from the kids?

Of course, then you get all the “choice” arguments. People “choose” to work, so it’s their problem, or people “choose” to stay home and look after the kids, so they just have to deal with it.

The problem, from the larger, social perspective, is that whatever sort of mum you are, you’re stereotyped … and with that comes the argument against you. The SAHM lives for her kids, has no life and does everything for them and wants nothing more than to spend all her time with them. The WAHM is not really a business woman, just chose to start up a buniess so she could justify her existance and “be there for the kids”. And the working Mum? Well, she’s just selfish and why did she have kids in the first place. Applied, of course, regardless of their circumstances, how many hours they do or don’t work and everything else.

If only it were that black and white. And true. Stereotypes come about for a reason, but they don’t apply to everyone. And they miss fundamental aspects of being a human being. But that’s a whole other post.

Debates like this just reinforce these stereotypes, and, worse, the “other sides” of these debates actually believe them! The SAHM will be quick to justify she’s not like that, but will happily slot those who aren’t SAHMs into their respective stereotype. And I’m not picking on SAHMs, because the working mums and the self-employed Mums are just as bad!

The silly thing is, everyone thinks it stops there, and the debate rages between groups. Oh, NO! So not the case.

THe SAHM with the most kids will pit against the SAHM whose hubby works longer hours. The single WHAM goes into battle against the married one. The working mums battle it out over who has the most important job, the longer hours or the furthest to travel. Bring in who has their own Mum, sister or other living relative living nearby and you bring in more ammunition for your argument. Start comparing what your business provides for others, who has the “best” husband or the “most understanding” boss and you can argue for days.

In my opinion, I don’t know who deserves it most. I don’t know who, if anyone, should be moved up the list any faster than anyone else. I’d love to say it should be me, because I have a husband that works long hours, little job security, a small baby, and a business that changes the lives of other mums.  Don’t I deserve it more than anyone else?

I don’t think anyone deserves the access to childcare more or less than anyone else. I believe they are all valid arguements, and it’s not a debate worth getting into, because it’s not one anyone can win.

Actually, I lie. I think the Mum most at risk to her self or her children should be given a long, hard consideration for being given priority.

Of course, I also believe that if stupid debates like this, and pitting us against each other, were eliminated, then the number of women at risk to themselves or their children would reduce. Significantly.