Raising Awareness and some very real information

I’ve recently been involved in a campaign to raise awareness of Depression. It’s not out just yet (hopefully in the next few days), but it’s all been fabulous (I hope) timing what with Mental Health Expert, Partick McGorry receiving the Australian of the Year 2010.

My bent on depression is towards women, and particularly mothers, not youth and not men. Not for any reason other than my personal experiences, my study and research I’ve conducted. Depression, generally, is pretty much the same across the board, although, obviously, certain life stages can lead to various forms of depression, as can particular incidents and … well lots of other things.

My partner in crime, Renee over a Bra Queen, did a fabulous post on depression – a Depression Checklist, and a very good one at that.

One of my things with depression has been how hidden it is. Even support organisations don’t particularly like to talk about things like “thoughts of suicide or self harm” … they’re too confronting. We all know how taboo a topic it is in society as it is, and I can’t help but feel that this “too confronting” mentality is not doing the cause much good. I acknowledge it is a hard concept to understand for those who haven’t experienced, and, as our campaign is about not being scared to show our support for those suffering depression, and to expose it, I thought (actually, I need) to share some things to get it out in the open.

Whether it’s to give some people an understanding of how it works, or to let others know that we understand, or whatever, I don’t mind. If you feel the following is affecting you, please, please call someone for help. Lifeline is a good start 13 11 14.

So what is depression like?

It’s like an insidious black worm that crawls into your brain, affecting the rational parts of it and causing it to think dark, scary black things.

It doesn’t, however, affect that part of your brain that knows how to behave in a socially acceptable manner. You know how to cover it up, how to behave so you appear confident, organised, happy, capable ..

It’s like a black veil behind your eyes. Looking out, you’re looking through a haze. Looking in, people just see you … confident, organised, happy, capable ….

The veil affects your mind. The fog you look through is a fog that surrounds your brain. Thoughts are hazy, decisions are hard to make. It’s like the synapses in your brain aren’t quite connecting, and simple things like “is it lunchtime” can’t be seen clearly, or sometimes at all, through the fog.

It’s like you want to hurt or die, but you have no “rational” thought or “reason” for wanting to. The thoughts come from nowhere, but they can be quite powerful. So powerful that the desire to drive into a tree, cut yourself, jump off a bridge can overrride all or any rational, logical thought.

You envisage cars hitting you or those you love, things falling on you, hurting you, cutting you, killing you. For some, these thoughts are wishes, for others they are intense fears that it will happen. Some people don’t get them at all. Either way, it can affect your life … fear of getting into a car that no one else can understand and you can’t explain.

Everyone around you is telling you to “snap out of it” or “I don’t know what you’re complaining about, others have it much worse”. They seem like sensible comments to make, but when your mind is not working as it should, well, people really don’t know how bad and scary it is in there. When you’re convinced the world would be better off without you, no one can unconvince you of that.

Depression is way beyond feeling blue or sad for an extended period.

Depression affects your life in ways you can’t fathom until you’ve been there. It affects the lives of those around you. You know enough to act out the right things, like getting up when your maternal and child health nurse comes to the door, or prepare a meal (if you can) for the familiy, or smile when your mother-in-law makes you a cup of tea. Inside your head is a haze, thoughts of hurt and harm and death. In side your chest is not just a long period of sad, but a sadness so deep it appears to have no end, it is debilitating and it affects everything you do.

It is depression.

I apologise if this is confronting, or makes anyone feel like they’re not coping or triggers anyone’s depression. If it does, please seek help. Immediately. And know that you are not alone and we support you.

If this has given anyone an insightd teensy understanding  into what is going on with someone who is depressed, and enable them to support in a helpful way, then I am happy.

I am not scared to show my support and to raise awareness of this insidious condition.

I hope you aren’t either.