The Rules of I Spy

On a recent family holiday, involving a long car trip, I was forced to re-learn the rules of I Spy.

My understanding, once, was that someone went first and said “I Spy with my little eye something beginning with …” and they chose a letter of the alphabet, relating directly to something that all other particpants in the game could physically see.

Then, the person who guessed correctly was the next person to Spy something.

How wrong was I?

The Rules are, apparently, as follows:

1. The five year old gets to go first and says the I Spy thingy, including choosing a letter;
2. Everyone else throws words, beginning with that letter, until he decides he likes one of the words and says “YES!”
3. If he doesn’t like any of those words, the rest of the players must start saying words beginning with any letter, and whether the object can be physically viewed or not, until the 5 year old says “YES!”, then it is the winners turn;
4. The winner must say the I Spy spiel, but before you can finish the five year old must yell “Choose a letter from the alphabet!”;
5. Regardless of what you “spy”, the answer must be “tree”;
6. If your answer is not “tree” the five year old must argue until someone guesses the correct word;
7. The correct guesser will commence the “I Spy” lead-in and the five year old will yell “NO! It’s my turn!”;
8. Arguments must ensue between child-aged occupants of the car, whilst calm, rational game-rule explanations by parental type figures commence;
9. The male parent must then start yelling, while the female parent must beat  head against steering wheel in a rhytmic fashion and say “Right, that’s it, we’re not playing any more!”;
10. To which the five year old says “I Spy wif my little eye, somefink beginnig wif …… two!”

Repeat as necessary, or until someone pulls over, gets out of the car and screams very loudly.

Alternatively, bribery or suggestions of “we’re stopping for lunch soon, but not unless you all Shut. Up!” are optional.