Archive for bad mother’s club
Faultless Parenting Explained
Posted by: | CommentsFinally – an answer!
Just following up on my post of earlier today The Perfect Family, The Perfect Career, The BIGGEST Laugh, where I concluded with the request that someone explain to me what a “faultless parent” is.
I also posted this very question over at Bad Mother’s Club – where real mums hang out, on the Retell Therapy Forums, because there are some amazingly knowledgeable chicks over there who know a lot of stuff!
Now, my head was in this space of “if anyone can explain what a ‘faultless parent’ was, it will apply to some but not to all. Right?
I mean, some of us are called ‘bad’ mothers cos we use controlled crying or go to work, and others because we co-sleep or stay at home. Who gets the say on who is actually ‘bad’?
Anyhoo, that’s beside the point.
One of my awesome members, Jeffswife, explained it to me on the thread I started over at Retell Therapy - finally, I now understand what a “faultless parent” is.
I am faultless….. Its not my fault the dishes arent done. Its not my fault the kids only ate crap yesterday. Its not my fault Wacka is insisting on having “Emo hair” I did tie it up this morning but she said i “wrecked her hair”& then removed clips & pulled it all in front of her face. Sooooo I guess Im saying im the perfect mum because I AM faultless.
Thanks for clearing that up for us, Jeffswife!
Bad Mother’s as seen on The Circle
Posted by: | CommentsA short video of my appearance on Channel Ten’s The Circle on Monday the 5th of April … coz people asked for it 
Confession: the “highlight of my bad mother moments” was not, in fact, the chocoalte eating incident, but it was the best I could come up with at the moment that didn’t contain profanity and have me dragged off set kicking, screaming and swearing. Again.
I do believe the highlights rank somewhere up there with behaviours that result in the then 3 year old telling hubby I called someone a “fucking idiot” (it was justified) … or perhaps the time I told them to “shut the fuck up” (that was more than justified!!!)
If you’re interested, feel free to watch. If you’re not, that’s ok, too.
Source: http://ten.com.au/the-circle.htm
The 10th Day of Christmas – the Mother of all Christmas Presents
Posted by: | CommentsIt’s 15 days till Christmas Day (eeeek!) which is a really scary thought.
Because tomorrow, it will be two weeks.
That, however, is not the point – I just realised the date and how close it was.
If you are in desperate need of a really, awesomely fabulous Chrimstmas present that will last you a whole year (and beyond), has a postitive impact on your emotional and mental wellbeing, gives you some time out and a big laugh, then I’d definitely be sending this link on to anyone and everyone and saying “Buy this for me, damn you!”
T’is a Bad Mother’s Club Membership! which gives you months and months of Mental Health Moments, including dinner out and some other really fun, Mum only events and outings, chat to other Mums in a safe and secure environment, and helps to make you a less stressed, grumpy and yelly Mummy.
Surely that’s gotta be good for the whole family. Actually, not “surely” – it definitely is!
Bad Mother’s Club Memberships start at $57 and are as simply to get as visiting www.badmothersclub.com.au
End of Year Work Parties
Posted by: | Comments
The thing that reguarly comes up, throughout the year, with Work At Home Mums (WAHMs), self-employed micro business owners and the like, is the loneliness (probably also why social media networks are great for proctastination)
Lots of Mums say the same thing, whether they’re running their own business, a stay at home mum, or working full- or part-time, or casually, or volunteering or whatever. Lots of Mums don’t, too, and that’s ok, but lots do.
There’s not much I like more than a party. I’ve been known to have tantrums, as I was growing up, when my birthday was coming and no party was organised. Like when I turned 30 and the suggestion was “lets go out for dinner with a few people”.
Pffft!
So I organised my own one then. And I’m organising my own End Of Year Party for Mums. Because I can. And I like parties. And wine. And food. Mostly, I like parties with wine and food.
Given I’m organising it, you know it will have wine and food … and would you look at that! It does!
The Real Mums and Bad Mother’s Chrismtas Lunch … Saturday the 5th of December at 2pm … at the usual – Prevale 236 Union Road Ascot Vale (great food and wine! And coffee)
Bookings are essential … because everyone goes home with a lovely gift. You don’t want to miss out on that, do you?
Book your tix now at http://realmumschristmas09.eventbee.com
Easy peasy and we’ll see you there! Hurrah!
Well, what do you know? There ARE Good Mums!
Posted by: | CommentsLast Friday night – the 6th November – was the launch of Bad Mother’s Club, an initiative I’ve undertaken to support, empower and provide a safe haven for Aussie mums, where they can also have fun, and reduce their stress and Mother Guilt levels.
It was mildy (ok, really) stressful leading up to the event, and loads of work went into it. I also swore a lot more than usual. Which is pretty impressive, coz I swear a lot. Allegedly, and according to everyone who is not me
My main concern with the event was that it was FUN! I knew the food would be great, the wine great and the service awesome. I knew the goody bags were amazing, and the prizes even more so.
But, and you’ve all heard the stories, get a group of mums together and things can go pear shaped. And I’m not talking post-baby bodies and the white and dark chocolate mousse we had for dessert!
There was my core group, who have been members for a while and have established strong friendships. I had my People Who Know Their Stuff, a close friend of mine, and a few others who had come on their own. No friends or people they knew. No “support” per se. The support of just having someone you know at an event where you know no one.
The main highlight of the night – for me – was that everyone had a great night, felt included, laughed like they hadn’t in ages, and felt supported, not judged.
What do you know? There are Good Mums out there, and they were all with me last Friday night.
I’d even go so far as to calling them Great Mums, for their ability to be honest, open, welcoming and making the rest of us laugh so hard!
I’m priveleged and honoured to have been in their presence … and can’t wait for the next one.
(The next one is December 5th at 2pm – stay tuned for details. I cannot wait!)
There’s another place for bad mums?
Posted by: | CommentsHere I am, getting all excited about launching the Bad Mother’s Club later this week, and what do I find? They’re already gathering at locations all around the country!
At playgroup. According to an article a few days ago (Mum’s the word at kids playgroup), mums are using this facility for children to show off their parenting skills and do a bit of offspring comparing and “power playing”, and, of course, building some social networks and support for themselves.
A seperte article in The Age (Playgroup bad for mums) says the study also found they:
can make mothers feel even more guilty than usual by allowing mothers to compare themselves, and their children, to others and find faults.
Just the very thing that makes us embrace them as “Bad Mothers” … but that’s an aside
I think this is another one of those studies that just turns out to be “reasearch” says and just a bunch of stats. I did ask around on the Retell Therapy forums for thoughts, and we got some great discussion there about playgroups, and our own experiences.
For some, it can be a pretty horrible place, although whether the insecurities stem from within the person, or actual events pretty much telling them so is always up for debate. I’ve seen and heard of some pretty nasty comments and behaviours going on in playgroups and mother’s groups.
Personally, my mother’s group was awesome … it seemed that anyone could discuss developmental milestones (our own kids or another’s) without anyone feeling insecure, like they were failing or even any kind of comparing going on. It was great. But I’m avoiding the local playgroup for the reasons in the second article.
And not from being paranoid, but from hearing some former members discuss some of what goes on. Yikes!
Both articles pretty much finished the same way, talking about support and being kinder not only to each other, but to yourself.
I did particularly like this conclusion:
“Mothers should be kinder to each other and give each other a break,” she added.
“Society needs to be much less judgmental, because in 99 per cent of the time, mums are doing the best they can, but no matter what you do, you’re wrong.”
My point exactly! That’s why we now have a realmums.com.au and a soon to be launched Bad Mother’s Club! Kinda like a growed up version of playgroup – minus the kids and judgement, and plus the wine and support.
And a good whine, too, of course!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m a Bad Mother. Whatever.
Posted by: | CommentsOK. I get it. I admit it. In fact. I’ve never denied it.
I do understand those concerns some of you have, and thanks for your emails, too, by the way.
I hear ya. I’m a bad mother. I swear in front of my kids. Hell, I even swear at them at times. I laugh when they’re rude to me. And I blog about it. I ask them if they would like a smack. I feed them cereal for dinner. I live by the philosophy that if they can open the Tupperware they can eat it.
And, quite frankly, if they don’t, then they don’t eat most of the time.
I openly admit that Thomas the Tank Engine bores the tits off me, craft sends me into a coma and I’d rather work till midnight than join in Family Movie Night when they choose Star Wars as the movie of the moment.
I let them watch the Simpsons and don’t care what anyone thinks.
I send them to school with vegemite sandwiches and carrot sticks, and not any of the suggestions on the millions of mummy websites that call for sushi rolls and hommus dips.
I do things like this, take photos and distrubute them to my contacts lists …
I could go on, and on and on about my failings as a mother.
But if you read between the lines, particularly those lines in my personal blog, Diary of a Mad Cow, you’ll notice that …
… actualy, you know what. If I have to explain to you what you may notice should you decide to cast aside your judgements, then there’s little point.
Those of you who can see the confident, self-assured kids, the connected and FUN household and the security it offers – and you know who you are – thank you! I love that you can see beyond the written words, and don’t just take them at face value.
Those of you who still prefer to judge me, then that’s ok. You are quite within your rights to do so. I still don’t need to justify myself to you.
But for the sake of other Mums (current and to be) perhaps before any of us leap to a conclusion, and choose to judge, maybe we need to be aware of their story to help us to understand them.
Here is the story of a Bad Mother. I invite you to read it. I only hope it enlightens you and helps you to become more accepting, just as it did for me.
Children365? Not on my watch
Posted by: | CommentsNow, I know I’m going to have to tread very carefully here, because people will read into this what they want. Mostly, they won’t read it through/properly/at all – given what I’m going to start with.
I ask that you do read it through, before condemning me. Because I am thinking of the children.
I refer to the “special push to cherish youngesters all year round” and the new initiative of the Alannah & Madeline Foundation, Children365, an initiative to “signify the commitment to cherish and protect children every day of the year”.
Don’t get me wrong, I think this is a really awesome and valuable idea.
I also think it’s one of many other very similar ideas. A slight twist on an already established theme.
And, just like all those (also awesome themes) I believe it is lacking soemthing fundamental.
The wesbite pages state the initiative is to:
Children365 is one of the many ways The Alannah and Madeline Foundation advocates for the wellbeing of children. This initiative encourages adults to take the time to think about why the children in their lives are important and how they can spend time together. Through an annual calendar and a range of activities, Children365 gives people practical ways they can engage positively with children.
Fantastic, except that, like all the others, it appears to neglect the parents.
Not in an “involving” parents (and other adults for that matter) way, but overlooks the fact that parents have shit going on in their lives too. I’m not even referring to lack of resources, like time and money, due to working long hours and being away from home and perhaps not having enough time to spend with the kids. The ones that seem to come up.
I’m talking about things like stress, lack of sleep, lack of a range of skills and knowledge in relation to dealing with kids, relationship issues, financial stress, the plethora of information thrown at parents that just confuses them and leads them to feel like they are bad parents, the conflicting research that we read about in the daily papers, the adverts telling us that chocolate for breakfast is ok (I’m looking at you Milo Breakfast Cereal and coco pops) and the papers telling us it’s really bad … I could go on.
There’s also the issue of the lack of support; physical, emotional and mental, that parents have these days, that helps them to cope with daily stresses, and to support them in “engaging postively with their children”.
What this initiative does is tell us, yet again, what we are lacking in parenting skills/abilities/actions and deprives us, yet again, of any useful skills or support.
I don’t belive this initiative is aimed at those people who do, or are at risk of, harming children in any way. It is not designed to support those who are financially destitute, have no parenting skills at all, are drug addicts and/or have a mental illness of some sort. I can assure you that as someone who has experienced depression – specifically PND – this initiative would have done very little in support me in engaging in any way with my kid. I would have gone a long way to reinforcing how inadequate I was as a parent.
(But that was my experience with PND and mothering).
I don’t believe it will make much positive difference to those at risk, or support them in making a difference. I believe it has the potential to be seen as “more people telling us what to do” and not backing it up with support.
I believe it also has the potential to make some mums feel worse than they already do. I don’t believe this is
I believe it is aimed at, and suited to, those who are already doing these sorts of things for their kids, anway. It just gives them a few more things they can add to their day of already engaging positively with their children. Some different things they can do that they possibly aren’t already. This is not necessarily a bad thing, if these parents can encourage and empower others to do the same, and stop lecturing or judging others for not.
I believe that, for the sake of the children, you need to start at the top and work down. I believe you need to work on and with the parents, to support and encourage them and give them the tools and skills they need – not just ideas and information – so that they fully understand how to behave in a way that is beneficial to children.
I believe it is important to stop pointing fingers, sitting back and blaming parents, and telling them what they “should” be doing, rather than helping them to do it.
I am very much for the parents and would like to, before we see a Children365 see these initiatives place more interest in the parents.
Then, I believe, a Children365 will have way more impact and be way more successful.
I guess its thankful we have places, then, like realmums.com.au and the soon to be launched Bad Mother’s Club - at least its a start in the right direction … more to come people, watch this space …
