Archive for bottle feeding
Breastfeeding mums are either paranoid or sanctimonious
Posted by: | CommentsYou may or may not recall, but I recently conducted a survey on Breast and Bottle feeding in public places. Thanks to the fabulous 446 women who responded – very much appreciated!
The aim of the survey, really, was to get some awesome comebacks for when people commented to mums who were feeding their babies in public, either with their boobs, or with a bottle.
Sadly, aside from the suggestion of “If you are offended bymy breastfeeding, please feel free to put a blanket over your own head”, which has been around for aaaages and “Fuck Off” as suggested by a number of respondants to the survey, we didn’t get what we wanted out of the survey.
The survey pretty much consisted of 5 questions:
1. If you feed/ever fed your baby in public did you breast feed (91.3%) or bottle feed (34.8%) – the crossover of numbers reflects those that did both breast and bottle feeding in public.
2. Did you ever feel uncomfortable feeding your baby in public? Yes or No – Please explain the Yes.
3. Did you ever receive any comments, postive or negative, from the general public whilst feeding?
4. If “Yes” to the previous question, how did (or didn’t) you respond? and
5. What do you wish you had said? What would you like to have said or would say if in the same situation again? Don’t hold back! … what would you really like to have said? (this last one being the whole point of the excercise).
Whilst we weren’t then able to come up with a list of 10 Great Responses To People Who Comment on You Feeding Your Baby In Public, the research resulted in some great, and not so great, observations.
We discovered breastfeeding mums are paranoid and/or sanctimonious, and bottle feeding women are self-denigrating – BIG TIME!
Interestingly, despite nowhere in the survey asking for it, a number of responses from those who breastfed referred to the “poison” of forumla and a number of quite dispariging remarks regarding formula, bottle feeding and/or bottle feeders.
On the plus side of this, this number wasn’t huge (6% of respondees) but enough to note it’s presence.
A slightly greater number (just over 9%) of bottle feeding mums answerd “No” to the uncomfortable feeding in public because they “couldn’t breastfeed, so I didn’t breastfeed them in public”. Um, that wasn’t the criteria - we asked about feeding in public and specified breast OR bottle. When I lasted check, giving a baby a bottle of formula was still feeding them, right? Or did I miss something somewhere. The sad thing was the way they spoke about themselves in relation to their inability to breastfeed. Made us cry.
As for being uncomfortable feeding in public, a majority said the didn’t feel uncomfortable (56.5%) and 43.5% did. The most common response for feeling uncomfortable was a wriggly baby who pulled off and they didn’t want everyone to see their boobs. Second most common, and nowhere near as many, said they did feel uncomfortable when first attempting breastfeeding in public, but once they got the hang of it, they were mostly ok. And Fathers-in-law were a big culprit, with a few stating they didn’t like breastfeeding in front of theirs.
A few bottle feeders also felt awkward, ashamed or as though they were/would be judged.
As far as comments went, 41.3% said that no one had commented to them at all when feeding, and 58.7% had had someone comment. An overwhelming 61% of these comments were positive. Of the remaining 39% although respondants had ticked yes, almost half of those weren’t actually comments, just people “looking at me”. Some where quite obvious glares, and one a weird lady. The remainder were not necessarily distaste, and could have just been “glancing in my direction”.
Again, interestingly, considering the amount of media related to bresatfeeding mums being discriminated against, of the remaining “negative comments” only 2% were directed to breastfeeding mums, and of those, most were teenage boys sniggering. And one husband who vehemently objected, using the word “tart”. Hrm. The rest of the negative comments were directed at bottle feeding mums, particularly pertaining to “breast is best”, one mum being told she could not use the parents room as they were for breastfeeding mums only, and several being verbally attacked.
So, while some breastfeeding mums were seriously sanctimonious, and some bottle feeding mums were seriously self-denigrating, the number was few, which is nice.
And breastfeeding mums did appear to be just a wee bit (ok, a lot) paranoid when it came to feeding in public, most more worried about what people might think or be thinking, not what was actually happening. Would be lovely to see them not so paranoid and just do it.
Particularly when most (98%) of the negative comments were directed at bottle feeding mums! I can understand why they may be self-denigrating (but please get over it, it’s not good for anyone!)
The bit we liked most, however, was not so much the fact that almost half the respondants hadn’t had anyone comment, but that of those that did have someone comment, they were positive comments. And some very lovely ones in there, too. It warmed our hearts to know that a majority of people said nice things to mums feeding their babies, and mostly breastfeeding mums. Makes a lovely change from everything else we’re hearing about the way breastfeeding mums are treated and spoken to.
Once again, sorry we can’t yet produce a list of Awesome Comebacks, and we thank everyone for taking the time to complete our survey, share your stories and be honest about your experiences. It was greatly appreciated.
Boobs, bottles, broccoli and burgers – what are we dealing with, really?
Posted by: | CommentsBreastfeeding and Broccoli really aren’t of any benefit; they contribute very little to our society and holds very little appeal.
Bottlefeeding and Burgers, on the other hand, and particularly the mass produced, high in trans-fats burgers and marketed to children type, are much more giving.
I refer, of course to a post I did a few weeks back and promised a “coming soon” post. I said something like:
I know how business operates and know that, in order to keep a buisness functioning and hopefully make a living out of it, you pull out all stops … but that’s for another post (coming soon!)
And here it is!
Now, lets take a look at all of this realistically. There’s a lot of uproar about the way fast foods are marketed, the amount of advertising, who it is targeting and when the adverts are played. There’s a lot of similar concern around the way baby forumula is advertised. There is a lot of research showing the effects of this advertising in relation to not just the purchase and consumption of these items, but also the impacts that consumption has on the consumers.
And, ultimately, society as a whole.
The health impacts alone are phenomonally huge, without considering impacts on the enviroment, landfill, etc etc
What, realistically, are we dealing with?
Let’s look at the advertising and marketing alone … although there are many, many more issues relating to this topic that could be discussed. Manufactured foods is big business. HUGE business. It makes a lot of money for the people who make the stuff. And sell it.
To be quite frank, they really don’t care whether your kids are fat, unhealthy, whingy, whiney or naggy. So long as you buy the stuff.
It seems the lower the nutritional value, the more they push it. They spend BIG bucks on this advertising and obviously have the budget for it.
Interesting to note (well, not really, but I had to start the sentence somehow) that these products also attract a GST, with the exception of baby formula (and other baby foods). GST paid goes back to our government, which in turn uses it for useful things like schools and hospitals and roads and casinos. More often casinos than schools or hospitals, but, again, different post. In a nutshell – they incur tax, governement gets tax.
Boobs and broccoli contribute very little to the government’s coffers.
Now, I may be being more than a little cynical here, but can’t help but think “boy’s club”. You know, big business owners (the manufacturers of baby formula fit into this category) in cahoots with our politicians and all the rest of it.
I just can’t help be cynical when the government some years back ran an ad campaign to promote the consumption of fruit and veg and research showed that, during the ad campaign, fruit and veg consumption increased. This increase was directly attributed to the advertising campaign. Now they’re saying, when asked about fast food advertising, they deny any connection between advertising of certain foods and consumption of foods.
If we look at it realistically, the leaders of our country, at state an national levels, aren’t forking out big dollars for the advertising of low nutrition and/or high energy foods. Someone else is. Yet they’re getting something back, in the form of dollars from the sale of these food items, and the promotion of them. No doubt there’s also a bit of “you scratch our back, we’ll scratch yours” going on as well. But what they do in private is best kept private 
On the other hand, promotion of breastfeeding and consumption of fresh foodstuffs is left to those small business owners with very limited marketing budget. And the government!
They have to fork over our dollars to promote the consumption of these foods. Not only that, but they don’t get anything back for it!
Technically, they get lots back from it in terms of a happier, heathier more productive community, taking far fewer sick days, less falling asleep when driving and operating heavy machinery and not contributing to the strain on the publich health system, but that is far more complicated than “We promote stuff and don’t get money for it.”
So, until they can find a way to get money out of breastmilk – and I’m talking billions – or place a tax on fresh produce without being lynched for it, I think we have our work cut out for us.
Personally, I think looking at what we’re really dealing with; the income received from these items, and the relationships between big business and our leaders as individuals or political parties, and working with these real issues then we can get somewhere. Continually going around in circles about the effects of advertising on consumption of foods “yes it does, no it doesn’t” style isn’t going to get us very far at all.
I don’t know what the solution is … well, I do, just getting the decison makers to admit and acknowledge what’s really going on is a different story. I don’t know how to get them to do that.
*sigh*
It’s almost like working with a three year old. Only they’re bigger, louder and more obnoxious, and there’s more of them.
Just like many parents with a three year old, as a society, we don’t seem to be able to say “no” to them, either.
(If you do want to make a difference to the way products are marketed and advertised check out and join Parents Jury Australia and/or sign the petition to help prevent the unethical marketing of those selling infant formula).
This is how we change the world
Posted by: | CommentsCame across this on Pink Heels and thought it appropriate following my post re Breastfeeding in Public.
This is how we change the world …
Say hello
Say thank you
Say goodbye
Say it to friends and family
Say it to people you pass on the street
Always say it with a smile on your face
Pass it on …
(And in light of my post – say it to women you see breastfeeding (or bottlefeeding) in public, and say it to those who look at you or comment to you when you are feeding in public 
)
Inconvenient, yes, devastating, no!
Posted by: | CommentsOk – so we had to go the “formula administration” route, for two reasons:
1. to get Chippie’s weight up to a more acceptable level (waaaaay off the chart was a big concern for all), and;
2. to see if he would put on weight with formula, basically to rule something in or out.
If he put on weight, great and we kinda had an idea what the cause was. If he didn’t, then we knew to look elsewhere.
(Blood test results also pending).
Bugger! Inconvenient, but doable. Better than a starved to death child.
Of course, the days I start it, he gets a cold and my boob issues flair up (an excruciating pain cycling with mild pain, and including things like shooting pain, blocked pain, and general pain – argh! – ongoing since an injury early on in the piece) causing pain, and what appears to be a blockage.
All kinds of things go through my head (I read FAR too many parenting books and listen to too many people) …the formula has decreased his immune system, he prefers the bottle, my milk will dry up, I’m a failure as a Mother .. and all the usual. Not easy to do when your boob fluctuates between feeling like its going to explode and keeping up up at night, to pain, what pain?
Many thanks to the two amazing women I spoke to at the Australian Breastfeeding Association (ABA), who worked with me on working out other possible scenarios for the screamy feeding and sore booby … thus helping me work through the problem.
No thanks to the silly woman who told me I “must be devastated” about “inflicting formula” on my baby!
Inconvenient, yes. Devastating would be more along the lines of having my baby become seriously ill, or dying perhaps, due to malnutrition. Or losing my house and family to a bushfire.
It has, however, reinforced why I don’t want to bottle feed. Nope, I’m still not feeling guilty.
My mind has been taken off the pain in my boob, thanks to the pain in my toe after smaking it into the bottom step and removing a chunk of toenail at 2am. Something I was never at risk of when moving from bedroom to bedroom to breast feed. A jaunt to the kitchen to grab a bottle and take it back, it appears, has put me at risk of serious injury!
Course, pain is now numbed by fatigue, now I’m staying up longer and wandering darkened corridors at Stupid O’Clock.
And if one more person tells me how great bottle feeding is, and it will be easier, because my Darling Husband can help, they may very well be stabbed with a silicone nipple-replica!
See, he gets up very early, and I’m a nice wife and see little point in us both being extremely grumpy. Besides, he won’t wake up, despite how much I poke and prod him. And he’s not home during the day.
Helping, my bum!
On the upside, I do have a night out planned in a few weeks. Might even be a sleepover … and they’ll have to cope without me.
Inconvenient … at times, yes … but maybe not.
Why I don’t want to bottle feed.
Posted by: | CommentsThank you to all the lovely Mums on the Retell Therapy Forums who have supported me over the last few weeks with the issue of baby number three (aka Chippie) and his weight loss and lack of growth.
Yes, we are concerned. Mostly because the GP and the paediatrician are.
We’re still awaiting the results of some tests. But it may be an issue as simple as he just isn’t getting enough breast milk.
For whatever reason.
The GP, the MCHN and the paediatrician have all made the suggestion that, depending on results, he may need to be given comp feeds, ie formula feeds administered via a recepticle of some sort. Usually a bottle. A babies one, not a wine bottle.
Argh!
Thank you for all who have assured me that this does not make me a bad mother. For assuring me there’s no need to feel guilty and that I’ve done nothing wrong. That sometimes these things just happen.
Your support has been incredible.
But .. you’ve all been missing the point.
Yes, the health of my baby is important and I will do what I need to do to make sure he’s ok.
I don’t feel guilty, inadequate or any of the above for (possibly needing to) bottle feeding.
I do, however, have some very good reasons for not wanting to bottle feed.
1. Last night, I set the coffee machine like normal. It’s an automatic, permanent filter machine. I can set it the night before to go off in the morning. I did.
I came out this morning, and had forgotten to add coffee. All I had was a pot of very hot water.
2. This morning, when I went to sterilise the breast pump using the microwave steriliser, I put it in the fridge. Well, I tried. It took me several minutes to work it out, but I only realised I was doing the wrong thing after rearranging things in the fridge so it would fit.
3. Tonight, when I set the coffee machine, I put the water where the water goes.
Then, I put my last four remaining scoops of coffee where the water goes. Buggering the machine and leaving me coffeeless for tomorrow morning.
Is there anyone else out there that can see why I shouldn’t be bottle feeding?
Or is it just me that feels it will just be a little bit too far out of my capabilities?
Why the Breastfeeding Brigade Pee Me Off!
Posted by: | CommentsI do feel the need to preface this post by saying that I am an advocate for breastfeeding. A very strong advocate for it. I’m well aware of the many benefits of breastfeeding, from bonding, baby development, and particularly the nurtitional aspect.
I have a strong background in health relating to nutrition and excercise. I’m well aware of where the World Health Organisation (WHO) stand in realtion to breastfeeding, and other health issues. Including the factors that impact upon the mental and emotional wellbeing of mothers, and their families.
I don’t feel I have to justify myself. I just feel the need to let people know where I stand in relation to breastfeeding, because whenever I stand up for Mums who choose not to (or can’t) breastfeed, I’m usually torn to pieces and condemned as one of those whom has no interest in the health and well-being of my child etc etc blah blah. Those of you also on the end of it will understand.
Those of you who are dishing it out will no doubt have very valid reasons for your doing so.
Anyway … why the Breastfeeding Brigade really P*** me off.
It started when I was surfing blogs (‘scuse my lack of techno talk – do you ‘surf blogs’ or just the ‘net?) and came across a link on the pages of that of a prominent parenting advocate, lactation consultant and soother of babies (someone I respect very much, so am loathe to use her name in this instance) … a link that indicated Everything you need to know about breastfeeding before you have your baby.
“Wow! Cool,” I thought to myself. “This will be interesting reading.”
Until I got to point one, which pretty much stated that your new baby, after it’s drug free and natural arrival into the world, would locate your breast on it’s own and suckle to it’s little heart’s content.
Right. Ok. Good point.
I read on, looking for the other points under the ‘everything’ – where was the bit for people who did have drugs during labour? What about babies who went to special care nursery? Or, for some reason, either couldn’t or wouldn’t locate the breast? Or had issues attaching or sucking or … myriad other issues that can go wrong.
I know my first pregnancy, my plan was a drug free, vaginal birth. Ok, I lie, I was open to the option of drugs. Like, in the carpark. But vaginal it was. It said it on my birth plan.
24 hours and an emergency cesarean later, there went the vaginal and drug free. Two doses, thank you very much!
I also didn’t see my brand new baby for two hours .. for various reasons I won’t go into.
Now, I have no problem with the information in this piece of writing. There was some very good advice in there.
The problem I have is the lack of information. The “clean and swaddled Johnson & Johnson baby suckling serenely at my breast moments after giving birth, while I gazed lovingly and (also) serenely on” are in every book you pick up.
Information I could have used, and others I have since spoken to, is the information pertaining to breastfeeding after labouring for 24 hours and having a c-section and not seeing your baby for 2 hours.
Fortunately, he didn’t have to go into the special care nursery. There’s more info needed there.
As it turned out, our first feed was amazing.
Amazing, because I lay in recovery, baby and husbandless, for two hours, with all the “Get your baby on the breast immediately, or you will have feeding problems and never bond” going through my head, and telling myself what a failure of a mother I was.
And I’d only just begun that particular journey.
I guess what I’m saying is that it doesn’t always go to plan. And the information (yes, yes, I know natural, drug free births etc etc blah blah are “all for the best for mother and baby” etc etc blah blah) out there can inadvertently cause stress, sometimes unnecessary stress, and lead to some serious emotional issues for mums.
Depression among them.
Everything you need to know about breastfeeding before you have your baby covers more than “births according to our heart’s desire”. Not that a drug free, vaginal birth is everyone’s desire either, but that’s another post.
A broad reference to other issues wouldn’t go astray, and would do a load of good for many women.
That set me off on my little “breast is best” high horse canter.
What kept me up there was a little stoush on facebook with someone on the Breastfeeding Brigade – and someone clearly on it for the ride, and not an expert or someone who knew what they were talking about.
Yup. The “Bottle feeding is obscene” comment that headed my way.
Did I mention not everything with birth and breastfeeding goes to plan?
The backpeddling came close to reversing the Earth’s rotation.
It’s one thing to leave out a heap of pertinant information when you’re talking about “Everything”. An oversight, a strong personal view, a whatever … who knows.
It’s quite another to make broad, sweeping statements about people’s choices, or, in quite a number of cases, their circumstances which prevent choice … in this case, bottle feeding … then attempt to justify by saying “oh, I was only talking about those who …” only when confronted.
Broad sweeping statements, particularly those uttered out of ignorance, have a much broader impact on mother’s than is considered. It impacts significanly on their mental and emotional health.
It can lead to feelings of inadequacy and failure. Even depression.
Ironically, it can cause so much stress as to impact upon breastfeeding to a point where mother’s are physically unable to continue.
No, when you make a broad sweeping statement, we don’t get that you’re not talking about us; those who, by choice or circumstance, don’t have drug free births, or breastfeed.
Broad sweeping statements include us. ALL of us. You included.
In saying that – not all the Breastfeeding Brigade Pee me off – just those of you who speak before you think. Or worse, think that everyone is the same as you.
Birthing with the aid of drugs is ok.
Bottle feeding is not offensive.
What is offensive is saying that it is.
Superpowers? Surely not!
Posted by: | CommentsDoing the “good mum” thing the other day and playing with the kids at a playground.
(OK, I was feeding the baby whilst texting some friends, and the older two climbed up things the wrong way, and down other things. The wrong way.)
I noticed a woman wearing a shirt that had, across the back “What’s your superpower?”
My immediate thought was it was one of those shirts advertising something – a new rum mixer or similar.
Curiosity got the better of me (as it is wont to do – damn that Curiosity!) and I did the walk around, sneaky glance thing. The front read “I make milk.”
Thus, I make milk, what’s your superpower.
An initiative of the Australian Breastfeeding Association (aka the ABA).
Cool shirt I thought.
With my background in health, my recent study in health and my two, now three, gorgeous boys, I am an breastfeeding advocate. Besides that, it’s just too damned easy for people like me whose heads are too full and they leave the bottles behind.
(Yep, been there and done that too)
I’m well versed on the benefits of breastfeeding, for the baby and the mum. In oh, so many ways! We’ve all had it rammed down our throats, so there’s no need for me to repeat all the research and World Health Organisation stuff again.
However, I am not an advocate at the expense of the mental health of the mother. I firmly believe the health and development of a baby is just as much, if not more, affected by the emotional and psychological health of a mother than it is by what, or how, it is fed.
(Obviously within reason. There are some things a baby should just not be fed. A diet consisting soley of cow’s milk, for example, is proven to be disasterous. Your top shelf Belgian chocolate is also not a good idea, and just a complete waste of chocolate on someone so unappreciative of such things.)
While I firstly thought the shirt was cool, and I’m sure went a long way to encouraging Mums who may have been teetering between feeding styles, or lacking in confidence about their abilities to breastfeed and persist with it, I did begin to wonder whether it gave some mums, particuarly those who have a really easy time breastfeeding and/or are fanatical about it some sort of perception that they were better than mums who bottle feed.
I also wonder what it does for those women who would dearly love to breastfeed, but for some reason – emotional, psychological or physical – are unable. Do these women, who have successfully carried and birthed a baby, and raised it to whatever age, feel some what Super Inadequate as a result of not being able to “make milk”.
I also wonder about those who choose, for whatever reason, not to breastfeed. Do phrases like this place them into some other “lesser category”? Does it make them rise up and protest (unnecessarily as far as I’m concerned) that they’re doing a great job? Or just add another “Guilt” to their already overflowing list?
Or both?
Frankly, it’s not a “super” power. It’s a perfectly natural response to a whole heap of hormonal and physiological goings on in the body after the birth of a baby. Some women have it better or more than others. Just like some experience PMT more or less than others.
“Making milk” is something that “millions of women all over the world do every day” to use a common phrase that is thrown at numerous mums when they make comment about being scared of childbirth/children or when they cry out for help.
I’m quite sure it’s not the ABAs intention to alienate a whole heap of women, and it was designed to encourage a whole heap of others, comments like these can go a long way to adding to the isolation and inadequacies a lot of Mums already feel.
It’s bad enough we have the 80 year old Italian Grandfather next door telling us what to do, without the experts adding to the confusion.
I’m not a fan of the term Super Mum, nor of Mums being labelled “super” for various Mumming activities – or non-mumming activities that they partake in whilst they are Mums.
What I am a fan of is mums feeling “super” for doing the amazing jobs that they do each and every day, regardless of whether they Make Milk, or whether they make those sandwiches filled will all kinds of vegetable type goodness, then cut into little stars and packed into the lunchbox.
Personally, I’m a Vegemite cut into little triangle person myself. And if you don’t like it, don’t eat it, but there’s nothing else for ya!
Mummy Wars? Really?
Posted by: | CommentsThere was a great article in yesterdays Sydney Morning Herald’s Opinion pages – Mummy wars are not a choice use of words.
It touched on that whole ‘thing’ between your stay-at-home-mums versus your off-to-work-mums, and the ‘natural’ birthers versus the caesarean-choosers etc etc and how discussions around any of these topics – and more – can dissolve into near fisticuffs between factions.
Or, at least, removal from Christmas card lists, and you can forget your invite to Hayden’s third birthday.
There’s a fabulous comment in this article by Monica Dux:
The truth is, most mothers make the same choice – they choose to do the best that they can, under the circumstances in which they find themselves.
Hear, hear! Sometimes, our circumstances do dicate, to some degree, our choices. I’d also add in that some of us choose what we’re doing because, well, we like it. Some mummies do like going off to work. And some like staying at home. And that’s ok.
The whole ‘choice’ thing is often excluded from these Wars of Words, too. Not everyone has a choice, even in circumstance. Some Mums don’t choose caesareans, and some don’t choose to bottle feed for example. Physiological factors may be an issue, as may psychological or other. But when these factors are brought up they’re usually followed by a but. A big one at that.
“Oh, I know that some women have to have a caesarean, BUT …” and then go the attack about women who do, chose to, etc.
The unfortunate thing about this is that even those with no choice, and those who do choose based on circumstance, are often left feeling as though they’re in the wrong. A Bad Mother.
And no one wants to feel that.
The Wars, I feel, are also fuelled by media reports and research. And perhaps the way the media reports the research.
We all know the media love a good, controversial story, and how much more controversial a story is there than the way you Mummy?
Whack in a bit of “latest research indicates” and you’ve got yourself a Mummy Storm brewing. The evangelists, who take the research to heart, will get on their high horses, using it as ‘proof’ of how bad a mummy you are. Those of us who do just what the research says we don’t, even in miniscule amounts, find more proof of our bad mamma status. We hop right up onto our high horses in defence … thus, the Mummy Wars.
Whatever the issue at stake, each and every Mum is going to have her own opinion of it. The SAHM will agree that being at home with your kids makes for well adjusted and secure adults, whilst the working mum will agree that the kids have learnt independence and are just as well adjusted. Everyone will find something to back up their own story.
And as for the Word Wars?
I wonder … when we hop up on our high horses and defend our breastfeeding/bottlefeeding choice, drug filled/drug free birth and our child-free/child-filled days, who are we trying to convince?
Are we really about getting the other to agree with us for the benefit of their own children?
Or are we really just getting vocal in order to convince ourselves that we’re not really all that bad?
