Archive for children

Sep
13

Why I don’t like my son

Posted by: madcow | Comments (1)

My 8 year old son has this … thing he does.

I hate it.

Whenever I ask him to do something he doesn’t want to do, like, for example, throw the rubbish he’s just handed me into the bin or put his dirty clothes in the wash, without hesitation, he turns to his six year old brother and says “Can you put this in the bin/wash for me?”

(And little brother does it, without hesitation – grrrrr)

And every time he does it I find myself saying “Hey, that’s not nice. Do it yourself!”

Sometimes I’ve had longer conversations about treating people like slaves. But that’s only because he’s managed to convince his younger brother that he is, in fact, his slave and must “do his bidding”. That’s a whole other post.

Every time he does it, I cringe. Ever time I hear myself saying “Stop it” I wonder what the cringe is about.

It’s because he can delegate a task he doesn’t want to do, nicely, without hesitation, without fear of upsetting someone or making them feel like they’re being used, and without thinking twice.

What I hate about it is that he can do it and I can’t.

It’s a skill, a quality that I really wish I owned, and something I’ve worked very hard on for the last few years. In fact, something I’m still working on – how to delegate a task without feeling bad/guilty for it.

What I don’t like about my son is he has something I really want.

And when I grow up, I want to be just like him! Because he’s awesome!

Categories : Reality Parenting
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Aug
31

Breast Not Best?

Posted by: madcow | Comments (6)

I really hate it when that happens.

I do a blog post on boobs, and the next day there is a newspaper article on a very similar topic that kinda contradicts what I’m saying.

This particular arcticle, a teensy one by Evonne Barry of the Melbourne Herald Sun pretty much states that:

The sexualisation of women’s bodies has turned a generation off public breastfeeding, according to a maternity report.

The Newspoll survey found 36 percent of poeople aged 18-24 believe breastfeeding is “unacceptable” in the workplace and in cafes, compared with 27% of all adults surveyed.

I do think it is very sad that this exists, and that so many people think like this. I do stand by my argument, however, that women’s bodies, and breasts, are sexual by their very nature.

And the angle I hadn’t considered was the angle that women would find it uncomfortable breastfeeding because boobs have been sexualised. Considering my own thoughts and feelings (and yes, they are mine and mine alone) I guess I don’t like people looking at my boobs when I’m feeding coz it does make me feel a little bit icky. I feel this because they are a sensual part of my body, and, I feel, quite private. Not sure if I’ve explained that terribly well at all!

Anyhoo, if boobs weren’t sexual or sensual in the first place, I don’t believe the issue would be as huge as it is. I don’t believe boobs would be sexualised in the manner that they are if they weren’t sexual or sensual. In which case, it would be a moot point, breasts wouldn’t be sexualised and no one would be able to blame the media for anything. Or for this, anyway.

*sigh*

If only it were all that simple. I really wish we could all just accept and live with both.

As I said in the last boobie post – breasts, like women, are multitasking and multifunctional. Why are we not applauding this diversity of the boob? I know I am.

(Any excuse for a celebratory bubbles, really :) )

Categories : Reality Parenting
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Just after lunch today a safety barrier was breached putting the lives of 32 LEGO men in danger.

The safety barrier had been in place for some weeks, when just last week the 11 month old discovered he could crawl his way under it. It was reconfigured this morning to prevent access to the area by Mummy, who was, quite frankly, sick of the whinging of the eight year old, despite her numerous requests, pleas and commands that the LEGO men be safely stored in boxes with lids. Not that this is any guarantee of their safety.

Concern increased after the noted disappearance of a LEGO man dressed in chef’s attire and carrying a chicken drumstick. Despite requests by the eight year old of his Mummy to “look through the baby’s poo” in order to locate his whereabouts, he remains unfound, although chances of his reappearance are greatly increased if eight year old will just bloody look for it, will you?!

The culprit was caught scaling the barrier shortly after his lunch of Vegemite sandwiches and cat food.

LEGO men in danger as safety barrier breached

 The LEGO men at risk lay huddled, clearly petrified with terror and unable to move, in the middle of the room until the danger had passed.

The need for a more suitable safety gate will be discussed over the evening meal, although Mummy is, quite frankly, pissed that this will probably be at the expense of a new pair of shoes. For herself.

If anyone knows the whereabouts of the LEGO Chef man, please contact Monkey Boy immediately before Mummy completely loses the plot.

Categories : Reality Parenting
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Jul
27

A Real Mum in Reality … on TV

Posted by: madcow | Comments (1)

On the off chance you’ve been living under a rock, or just ignoring me, you may have missed that the Grumpy one and I were on 60 Minutes on Channel 9 last night (Sunday night)

You can check out our openness and honesty here (and apparently Grumpy’s lack of acting ability, pointed out to us by a good friend. Thanks, Cal :) ) I’m not gonna rehash the vid – no point, really – but would like to point out some bits of reality – and bits of non-reality - you may have overlooked …

We were interviewed by the lovely Tara Brown, who really is lovely, and looks gorgeous at 6.30am. Yes, the time they rocked up on the doorstep. My glamorous state, the cow jarmy pants and unkempt hair were very real. Yes, you now know what I’m like when I get up in the morning. I wasn’t lying.

The hugeness of my arse, I’m sorry to say, wasn’t real. Apparently, so ‘they’ say, TV adds about 10lb to your weight. Approximately 5kg. It’s a lie. Watching TV I had to double check we didn’t accidently replace our TV with a wide screen one. I’ve come to the conclusion it adds about 800. KG not LB. Definitley.

The making beds was a set up. But the only set up. They had to film me doing something!

And some Real Mum bits …

  1. I cross the road when son is crying after having fallen over … you may notice me asking “Do you need a bandaid?”
  2. I then lick my finger to clean the wound. We all know mumspit cleans and cures everyting. Kinda like Phoenix tears. (Oh, and I didn’t realise I did that, either, till someone else pointed it out to me!)
  3. Glass of wine while making dinnner … can’t forget that one!

The upshot was, we had a LOAD of fun doing it, and hope viewers got something out of it. Aside from weirded out, that is!

And thanks to those of you who watched it, and for your lovely email and SMS messages. We think …

Categories : Reality Parenting
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Thinking of my post last week about kids and their eating of greens, or, rather, lack of eating greens, subsequent discussions on the Retell Therapy Forums about picky eaters and thinking about what my own kids eat, I began delving into the issue of where the problem with picky eating lies.

It was mostly thinking about what my own kids eat that lead me to the conclusion that the issues we have with picky eaters lies with the parents. Yes, you, the parent! No, not in a “you’re a bad mummy because you let your kids sniff McDonalds” kind of way. No fault or finger pointing or ‘you should’s here.

This food pyramid , for children aged 6-12 months explains a little.

food-pyramid

 

 

 

 

 

 

Although it is generally recommended that foods that fall into the top category of the pyrmaid are limited, they are still included on the pyramid. My argument would be the number of foodstuffs left off this particular pyramid. Things such as:

  • cat and dog food
  • floor sweepings
  • marbles and other smallish toys owned by older siblings
  • beside the fridge toast
  • stuff sucked off the bottom of shoes

As chidren get older, of course, they require a wider variety of foods, and more of them. Provisions such as:

  • couch Twisties
  • school bag … hmmm, don’t want to hazzard a guess as to what that is
  • under the table chewing gum
  • footpath lollies
  • supermarket floor broken biscuits
  • leftover food under cafe tables

Now, does this sound like the gastronomic endeavours of a “picky eater” to you? Sounds to me like they’ll eat just about anything. Except, of course, the lovingly prepared and reasonably healthy foods you prepare for them.

It seems that it is the parents who are the picky ones with their “Argh! Don’t eat that, its disgusting”s and their “Eat your vegies or you won’t get dessert!”s. Looking at it from a totally different perspective, the kids aren’t at all picky, and, even better, seem to be quite adequate at fending for themselves. Mini hunter-gatherers if you will.

The benefits don’t stop there. Imagine the time you’ll save only having to make school lunch 3 times a week? Or getting them to clean their bags out at the end of school term … there’s a few days worth of feeding right there.

Buy them a milkshake when you’re out for coffee and they’ll locate their own treat type snacks to go with it.

Tantrums in shopping centres will no longer be an issue once you allow them to have the lollypop they want; the one stuck to the floor in isle 3. Boredom is relieved as they spend time removing the stray Skittle from the floor at indoor soccer while awaiting their brother to finish his game.

Parents really do need to start taking more responsibilty for their own issues, and stop pointing fingers at the kids and blaming them for being picky eaters! Quite clearly, they’re not!

Categories : Reality Parenting
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I’ve been sitting on this post for a bit, as have been most loath to mention some names. Names of people I feel don’t deserve any attention, any mention at all.

I fear mentioning their names only adds to their already exceedingly high obnoxious levels.

However, with the recent bashings and violence in Melbourne, which has left me quite sick to the stomach for several reasons, I can’t help but think what hope our kids have when these names keep appearing in the paper for the most mundane reasons.

“Party Boy Cory” for one. Who got a speeding fine. WHO FUCKING CARES?!

Is anyone getting a speeding fine “news”? Ok, maybe the pollies and the police, coz they’re supposed to be setting examples.

“Claire” whatsherface who lied about a shooting. WOW, there’s a great role model for our children. Last I heard, lying to the police was illegal. Must catch up with the times, me thinks.

Because, apparently, disrespecting your parents, lying, causing disruption and damage to the property of others, and to police vehicles is all ok. Most ok, actually, coz its us suckers – the taxpayers – who pick up the tab. And they get waaaaaaay more than their 15 minutes of fame. There are alleged job offers, cameras following their boring, insidious lives and constant, positive attention.

Aren’t all the parenting “experts” telling us that, in order to get our kids to behave, we use positive reinforcement. Isn’t this just a form of postitive reinforcement?

What’s worse is that my husband and I (sorry, got all regal there for a moment) are trying to set good examples for our kids. We’re trying to be there for them as often as we can, and, at the same time, display good work ethics (me from home), respect for authority and compassion for others, regardless of … anything really.

Now, I may be wrong, but I’m willing to bet Cory, Claire and the myriad others beating the crap out of people aren’t acknowledged for the great work they do. I’m willing to bet they don’t receive bottles of wine accompanied by sincere thank you notes, or e-mails containing words such as “Thank you so much. I was having a really bad day today, and if it wasn’t for the site you have provided, I would be dead right now.”

I receive them a lot.

Not blowing my own horn … I know there are plenty of other organisations and businesses out there that do 100, 1000 fold the good I do. More.

But what are my kids seeing when this absolute crap is everywhere, and I’m at home, working my bum off, struggling to get any kind of media attention? Any attention at all, really.

How can parents set a good example for their kids when it is constantly overridden by the utter crap sprouted by the media about people who are, quite frankly, a complete waste of air? Isn’t our job as a parent not hard enough, without the opinions of others coming at us constantly, and the daily “latest research” on how we’re doing it all wrong, only to be contradicted a week later?

I get that people like to hear bad news stories. I’m aware the attempts at good news TV shows and broadprint publications have been dismal failures.

But there’s the bad news the morbid voyeurs of us can’t turn away from.

And then there is ABSOLUTE FUCKING CRAP Not News!

(Apologies for the profanilty – but calling it ABSOLUTE CRAP is so far an understatement it’s not funny)

Not only is it not news, but you’re just going to end up with more of the same. The Celebrity State society we live in makes getting your head on TV the number one priority. Just because it’s on there because you beat the life (literally in many cases) of an undeserving third party is irrelevant. And if you can get your head on there by doing it, why the hell not?

Enough is enough! If you can’t / won’t /don’t want to refer to the decent people in society, fair enough.

But please stop with this shit. The only consolation of the repetitive images of Cory is that he looks and behaves, in every photo, like a complete fuckwit. Not something many children I know are aspiring to, thankfully!

Hmm, maybe the fashion mags to have something going for them …

Categories : Reality Parenting
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Jul
11

Gettin’ kids to eat their greens

Posted by: madcow | Comments (1)

A recent release by the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW) – A Picture of Australia’s Children 2009 – shows that very few Aussie kids aged 4-13 ate the recommended daily requirement of vegies, and about half of them ate enough fruit.

Hmm, that awful age bracket, loaded with finicky, picky eaters, aside from all the other crap that they throw at you; obnoxiousness, rudeness, and general disgustingness.

Notwithstanding the issue of childhood obesity and the recently discussed and published contributing factors to this, eating their greens is vital to the overall health and wellbeing of kids. That fruit and veg is not positively promoted in a similar to vein to that of, say, a fat laden, and nutritionally-suspect Happy Meal is, of course, an issue in itself.

Alas, the job is left to us, The Parents, whoes responsibility and “fault” it is that our kids nag us to death so we’ll feed them crap, the only food they know about because the TV told them about it. And it must be of high nutritional value, because the TV told them it was and the TV would never lie.

(Just in case you missed it, that was a touch of sarcasm)

Anyhoo, kids aren’t eating enough vegies and we must see to it that they do. There have been many fabulous suggestions on how to achieve this seemingly impossible and insurmountable task.

Safeway/Woolworths are running a fabulous campaign on all these cool ideas for fruit and vegetables to increase their appeal and make them fun! In the process, kids, you can make a mess of your Mum’s kitchen and leave her to clean it up. Or, you can hassle her for hours, forcing her to assist you in these creations that you probably won’t eat, because they are, after all, fruit and vegetables. Hell, she has nothing better to do with her time than make baskets out of melons and necklaces from various bite sized pieces of fruit to be squished into the couch whilst you’re sitting on your bum watching a DVD.

(Again, sarcasm, people!)

Others have come up with the idea of naming fruit and vegetables, in order to give them more appeal and make them exciting and interesting, and to encourage kids to eat them. Except that no matter what you call Brussels Sprouts, no one in their right mind will eat them. Even growed up people.  Call them what you like, and smother them in a dark Belgian chocolate and you still won’t get me to eat them.

These suggestions are, of course, a step in a positive direction towards increasing the consumption of F&V by our kids – don’t get me wrong. However, for those of us who live in the real world, and the world of reality parenting – that world of conflicting information, stress and pressures, children who don’t behave like they do on the Fresh Food Kids and Johnson & Johnson commercials and finicky gourmands - there is the Real Mums Guide to Dealing with Picky Eaters Good luck!

Categories : Reality Parenting
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Ah, what a sweet, sweet suprise to arrive on our desk!

No Sweat ParentingA book. With the words No Sweat Parenting in the title.

Sounding good so far. These words were followed immediately by the words Six Parenting Myths Debunked – we had to pick it up and read it.

Renee Mill, clinical physchologist, with over 30 years of experience and author of this fabulous time asks the question we all want to know; when did good parenting get so exhausting?, and when did it become crucual to be perfect?

The book had us nodding and “oh my goodnessing” we did was amazing. The relief we felt at being given back our power as parents, the greater understanding of how things work in the parent-child relationship was even better.

The personal stories and situations added the element of relatability which assisted in the rest of us nodding in agreement and feeling normal. Better still, it helped us to look at our own parenting and know that we could do this, rather than have an ‘expert’ spout what we ‘should’ be doing, with seemingly no idea of what the real world is like.

Best of all, we now realise that not only do we not have to be perfect, but it appears there is no ‘perfect’ way to parent, anyway. How could we ever be perfect when there are no hard and fast rules telling us what perfect is? Oh, and our kids are all inidividuals, so there’s no one-size-fits-all approach.

This book has taken a load off our shoulders and a load off our minds. Our kids still aren’t saints, but at least we can deal with it without beating ourselves up.

The only complaints – it wasn’t around five (or more) years ago, and we want to know more!

Get your copy of No Sweat Parenting for only $24.95 from ParentChildSelf

Real Mums Recommended

Real Mums Recommended

Categories : Real Mums Review
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Breastfeeding and Broccoli really aren’t of any benefit; they contribute very little to our society and holds very little appeal.

Bottlefeeding and Burgers, on the other hand, and particularly the mass produced, high in trans-fats burgers and marketed to children type, are much more giving.

I refer, of course to a post I did a few weeks back and promised a  “coming soon” post. I said something like:

I know how business operates and know that, in order to keep a buisness functioning and hopefully make a living out of it, you pull out all stops … but that’s for another post (coming soon!)

And here it is!

Now, lets take a look at all of this realistically. There’s a lot of uproar about the way fast foods are marketed, the amount of advertising, who it is targeting and when the adverts are played. There’s a lot of similar concern around the way baby forumula is advertised. There is a lot of research showing the effects of this advertising in relation to not just the purchase and consumption of these items, but also the impacts that consumption has on the consumers.

And, ultimately, society as a whole.

The health impacts alone are phenomonally huge, without considering impacts on the enviroment, landfill, etc etc

What, realistically, are we dealing with?

Let’s look at the advertising and marketing alone … although there are many, many more issues relating to this topic that could be discussed. Manufactured foods is big business. HUGE business. It makes a lot of money for the people who make the stuff. And sell it.

To be quite frank, they really don’t care whether your kids are fat, unhealthy, whingy, whiney or naggy. So long as you buy the stuff.

It seems the lower the nutritional value, the more they push it. They spend BIG bucks on this advertising and obviously have the budget for it.

Interesting to note (well, not really, but I had to start the sentence somehow) that these products also attract a GST, with the exception of baby formula (and other baby foods). GST paid goes back to our government, which in turn uses it for useful things like schools and hospitals and roads and casinos. More often casinos than schools or hospitals, but, again, different post. In a nutshell – they incur tax, governement gets tax.

Boobs and broccoli contribute very little to the government’s coffers.

Now, I may be being more than a little cynical here, but can’t help but think “boy’s club”. You know, big business owners (the manufacturers of baby formula fit into this category) in cahoots with our politicians and all the rest of it.

I just can’t help be cynical when the government some years back ran an ad campaign to promote the consumption of fruit and veg and research showed that, during the ad campaign, fruit and veg consumption increased. This increase was directly attributed to the advertising campaign. Now they’re saying, when asked about fast food advertising, they deny any connection between advertising of certain foods and consumption of foods.

If we look at it realistically, the leaders of our country, at state an national levels, aren’t forking out big dollars for the advertising of low nutrition and/or high energy foods. Someone else is. Yet they’re getting something back, in the form of dollars from the sale of these food items, and the promotion of them. No doubt there’s also a bit of “you scratch our back, we’ll scratch yours” going on as well. But what they do in private is best kept private ;)

On the other hand, promotion of breastfeeding and consumption of fresh foodstuffs is left to those small business owners with very limited marketing budget. And the government!

They have to fork over our dollars to promote the consumption of these foods. Not only that, but they don’t get anything back for it!

Technically, they get lots back from it in terms of a happier, heathier more productive community, taking far fewer sick days, less falling asleep when driving and operating heavy machinery and not contributing to the strain on the publich health system, but that is far more complicated than “We promote stuff and don’t get money for it.”

So, until they can find a way to get money out of breastmilk – and I’m talking billions – or place a tax on fresh produce without being lynched for it, I think we have our work cut out for us.

Personally, I think looking at what we’re really dealing with; the income received from these items, and the relationships between big business and our leaders as individuals or political parties, and working with these real issues then we can get somewhere. Continually going around in circles about the effects of advertising on consumption of foods “yes it does, no it doesn’t” style isn’t going to get us very far at all.

I don’t know what the solution is … well, I do, just getting the decison makers to admit and acknowledge what’s really going on is a different story. I don’t know how to get them to do that.

*sigh*

It’s almost like working with a three year old. Only they’re bigger, louder and more obnoxious, and there’s more of them.

Just like many parents with a three year old, as a society, we don’t seem to be able to say “no” to them, either.

(If you do want to make a difference to the way products are marketed and advertised check out and join Parents Jury Australia and/or sign the petition to help prevent the unethical marketing of those selling infant formula).

Categories : Reality Parenting
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Jun
25

I’m not a SuperMum – I’m just lazy

Posted by: madcow | Comments (2)

It’s nearing the end of school term. It is Winter. It is, quite frankly, bloody freezing!

(Yet I still have a child who insists on walking the half hour to school in shorts and t-shirt – brrr! Insane! What is wrong with children?!)

Walking in the school gate, I run into another Mum I see occasionally. Not often, but often enough to perform the perfunctory “Hi, how’s things?”

She passed comment about the (her) walk to school being hard work, and thank goodness she rarely does it. I admitted that I was unable to empathise as I walked, to and from school, daily. A good half hour each way.

I lie. It’s a half hour - very little good about it – with the kids, and about 17 minutes on my own. Technically, with the baby. In a pram.

“Wow, no wonder you’re so fit!”

Well, yes, walking that far daily does have an impact, but really the tracksuit pants and daggy top, the unkempt, sweaty looking hair and the shortness of breath are just an illusion. Really, I have no other clean clothes, and you seem to be able to get away with dirty trackies if you’re actually ‘excercising’ in them. The hair looks sweaty, because a) it is, or b) I haven’t washed it for a few days. The shortness of breath is because I’m not really as fit as I used to be, and pushing a bloody pram up a hill while yelling at two kids to “Hurry up!” every 3 steps takes it out of you.

“Thanks” I mumble.

“You are a SuperMum” she continues. “You’re just amazing, walking every day. And what a great thing to be teaching your kids. You’re amazing.”

Um, no. No, you’ve got it all wrong.

Yes, I’m aware of the benefits of walking dailly and doing some excercise and all the rest of it on my physical and mental health. I’m aware that these habits will rub off (hopefully) on my kids, and I’m getting them active before they start their day at school, and the whole childhood obesity thing etc etc blah blah blah.

But, really, I’m not a SuperMum. Nor am I particularly amazing.

The reality of it is, I’m just very lazy. Very, very lazy.

My pet hate – hate – is buckling the kids into the car. I’d much rather walk for half an hour, pushing a pram up a hill, with them in tow and urging them on with increasing levels of frustration than put them in the car.

I’ve even been know to get partway through the morning routine, look at the clock and think “Ah, fuck it! I’m going to have to drive today,” then get to 5 minutes past the time we absolutely must be out of the house to walk, and walk anyway.

I don’t have time to have a shower in the mornings. And it’s much easier to pull on yesterday’s trackies that are lying on the floor than attempt to locate a clean pair of jeans. As for shoes, I’ll trip over my runners or locate them in the freezer when I go searching for bread with which to make their lunches.

Besides, their complaints, fighting and boisterousness is much, much less painful on my brain than when performed inside a vehicle.

None of this is to discredit the benefits and “good” of what I am actually doing. Just don’t put me on a pedestal or compare your behaviours to mine, especially to undermine yourself  … coz you’ve probably got it more than a little muddled.

Categories : Reality Parenting
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