It’s been going on for far too long now.

I do remember it started pre-kids (for me, obviously), but I really got into it when I did have kids.

For many years it’s all been about how “Santa” may offend those who don’t celebrate Christmas, for religous (mostly) or other reasons. Apparently, its shoving Christianity down the throats of others … because, actually, now you mention it, I do recall Santa popping up in lots of pages throughout the bible … and forcing them to partake in ‘our’ celebrations!

Kinder committee meetings, loaded with white, middle class, self-righteous and “doing what is right for everyone” Mums, almost come to fisticuffs over whether Santa would appear at the end of year kinda breakup party (and whose ogranic, fat free chocolate crackles would feature this year) and would his appearance offend poor little 4 year old Abdul or Noah.

No consideration is ever given for whether this would offend me or my beliefs, values and traditions.

Quite frankly, I do find it highly offensive that what has been part of my culture for as long as I can remember, and apparently long before that, is being ditched on the grounds that it might offend “New Australians” and their cultures and beliefs, by well-meaning but don’t-actually-have-a-clue-about-who-might-be-offended-because-they-assume-not-ask do gooders.

(If someone walked past me in the street and said “Happy Ramadan” or “Happy Hanukkah”, I wouldn’t take offence. I would accept it as their tradition and reply in what I hope would be the appropriate manner. And with a big smile on my face)

Anyhoo. that argument has now apparently run it’s course and it’s no longer up for discussion. Santa is no longer an outcase because he represents a Christian tradition.

Nope.

Now he is too fat! Oh, and he smokes and encourages reckless behaviours, like speeding and roof hopping and taking reindeer for midnight flights. He “breaks into houses” and sits children on his knee.

He needs a makeover and a new Prius to deliver all those presents to all those children. Oh, and rather than “break into houses” he should probably use a service like Australia Post to deliver his goods. Because they’re sooo reliable and get things there on time and … oh wait, on strike and not delivering anything!

No mention of his suit, which is highly innappropriate for the climes in the Southern Hemisphere and he’ll probably dehydrate. Not setting a good example at all.

Let’s totally overlook the fact that he’s jolly! Something that, I don’t know about you, makes me smile! Not a lot of that going about at the moment. He also does it without profanity, which not many can say about things like comedians, or myself.

Sure he may “break into house” except that he doesn’t generally “break” anything, doesn’t leave a mess, doesn’t take your good jewellery and leave you with a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach and prolonged sense of dread and fear. Rather, he leaves nice things, and things that keep your kids otherwise occupied for about 13 minutes.

Also, I think that we should definitely promote binge drinking, philandering (and sometimes rapist) sports stars as our role models, and not a very nice man, who speaks politely to our children and actively listens to them!

Yeah, you wouldn’t want someone being nice to your kids and making them feel special and listening to them, would you now? They might, oh, I don’t know, feel good about themselves for a moment or two. We can’t have that now, can we?

And do I need to add “he’s not real, people”?

Back off Santa! He’s a very nice man, who makes me and my kids smile, he had great manners and he’s cuddly.

I’m getting really sick of the Santa bashing. Not only does he not deserve it, but, quite frankly, I’m getting really pissed off about being told what to do all the time, and having my cultural beliefs and traditions being bagged all the time. It’s offensive!

Back off Santa, and let him do his job.

(Oooh, I hope that gets me on his “Nice” list )