Archive for feeding baby
Breastfeeding mums are either paranoid or sanctimonious
Posted by: | CommentsYou may or may not recall, but I recently conducted a survey on Breast and Bottle feeding in public places. Thanks to the fabulous 446 women who responded – very much appreciated!
The aim of the survey, really, was to get some awesome comebacks for when people commented to mums who were feeding their babies in public, either with their boobs, or with a bottle.
Sadly, aside from the suggestion of “If you are offended bymy breastfeeding, please feel free to put a blanket over your own head”, which has been around for aaaages and “Fuck Off” as suggested by a number of respondants to the survey, we didn’t get what we wanted out of the survey.
The survey pretty much consisted of 5 questions:
1. If you feed/ever fed your baby in public did you breast feed (91.3%) or bottle feed (34.8%) – the crossover of numbers reflects those that did both breast and bottle feeding in public.
2. Did you ever feel uncomfortable feeding your baby in public? Yes or No – Please explain the Yes.
3. Did you ever receive any comments, postive or negative, from the general public whilst feeding?
4. If “Yes” to the previous question, how did (or didn’t) you respond? and
5. What do you wish you had said? What would you like to have said or would say if in the same situation again? Don’t hold back! … what would you really like to have said? (this last one being the whole point of the excercise).
Whilst we weren’t then able to come up with a list of 10 Great Responses To People Who Comment on You Feeding Your Baby In Public, the research resulted in some great, and not so great, observations.
We discovered breastfeeding mums are paranoid and/or sanctimonious, and bottle feeding women are self-denigrating – BIG TIME!
Interestingly, despite nowhere in the survey asking for it, a number of responses from those who breastfed referred to the “poison” of forumla and a number of quite dispariging remarks regarding formula, bottle feeding and/or bottle feeders.
On the plus side of this, this number wasn’t huge (6% of respondees) but enough to note it’s presence.
A slightly greater number (just over 9%) of bottle feeding mums answerd “No” to the uncomfortable feeding in public because they “couldn’t breastfeed, so I didn’t breastfeed them in public”. Um, that wasn’t the criteria - we asked about feeding in public and specified breast OR bottle. When I lasted check, giving a baby a bottle of formula was still feeding them, right? Or did I miss something somewhere. The sad thing was the way they spoke about themselves in relation to their inability to breastfeed. Made us cry.
As for being uncomfortable feeding in public, a majority said the didn’t feel uncomfortable (56.5%) and 43.5% did. The most common response for feeling uncomfortable was a wriggly baby who pulled off and they didn’t want everyone to see their boobs. Second most common, and nowhere near as many, said they did feel uncomfortable when first attempting breastfeeding in public, but once they got the hang of it, they were mostly ok. And Fathers-in-law were a big culprit, with a few stating they didn’t like breastfeeding in front of theirs.
A few bottle feeders also felt awkward, ashamed or as though they were/would be judged.
As far as comments went, 41.3% said that no one had commented to them at all when feeding, and 58.7% had had someone comment. An overwhelming 61% of these comments were positive. Of the remaining 39% although respondants had ticked yes, almost half of those weren’t actually comments, just people “looking at me”. Some where quite obvious glares, and one a weird lady. The remainder were not necessarily distaste, and could have just been “glancing in my direction”.
Again, interestingly, considering the amount of media related to bresatfeeding mums being discriminated against, of the remaining “negative comments” only 2% were directed to breastfeeding mums, and of those, most were teenage boys sniggering. And one husband who vehemently objected, using the word “tart”. Hrm. The rest of the negative comments were directed at bottle feeding mums, particularly pertaining to “breast is best”, one mum being told she could not use the parents room as they were for breastfeeding mums only, and several being verbally attacked.
So, while some breastfeeding mums were seriously sanctimonious, and some bottle feeding mums were seriously self-denigrating, the number was few, which is nice.
And breastfeeding mums did appear to be just a wee bit (ok, a lot) paranoid when it came to feeding in public, most more worried about what people might think or be thinking, not what was actually happening. Would be lovely to see them not so paranoid and just do it.
Particularly when most (98%) of the negative comments were directed at bottle feeding mums! I can understand why they may be self-denigrating (but please get over it, it’s not good for anyone!)
The bit we liked most, however, was not so much the fact that almost half the respondants hadn’t had anyone comment, but that of those that did have someone comment, they were positive comments. And some very lovely ones in there, too. It warmed our hearts to know that a majority of people said nice things to mums feeding their babies, and mostly breastfeeding mums. Makes a lovely change from everything else we’re hearing about the way breastfeeding mums are treated and spoken to.
Once again, sorry we can’t yet produce a list of Awesome Comebacks, and we thank everyone for taking the time to complete our survey, share your stories and be honest about your experiences. It was greatly appreciated.
Tips for New Parent #236
Posted by: | CommentsWhat the experts tell you
When you read in one of your many, many parenting books that mashed potato is a “good food for feeding baby” this is a lie.
Ok, from a nutritional and eaty point of view, yes it probably is.
From your hair’s point of view, no, it’s not. Ask your furniture, the walls, your good rug (and if you still have your good rug down, you are an idiot – but that’s not in the books either), the pictures on the wall, the pet goldfish and just underneath the second bottom shelf on the bookshelf, and they will all tell you that it’s not a good food either.
Your bath plug hole also disagrees, but only if you can get the stuff out of baby’s hair in the first place.
I think the “experts” tell you this because they either a) don’t have children and therefore don’t have a clue, or b) they are having a huge laugh at your expense becuase no one told them either. And so the cycle continues.
If you choose to serve your baby mashed potato, you may like to invest in garbage bin liners, or perhaps a plastic sheets company, lest ye be spending the next five years scraping it off the ceiling fan. Along with the weetbix.
This Tip was proudly brough to you by Real Mums – reality parenting, support, a safe haven for Australian Mums and NO big fat liars!
Breast Not Best?
Posted by: | CommentsI really hate it when that happens.
I do a blog post on boobs, and the next day there is a newspaper article on a very similar topic that kinda contradicts what I’m saying.
This particular arcticle, a teensy one by Evonne Barry of the Melbourne Herald Sun pretty much states that:
The sexualisation of women’s bodies has turned a generation off public breastfeeding, according to a maternity report.
The Newspoll survey found 36 percent of poeople aged 18-24 believe breastfeeding is “unacceptable” in the workplace and in cafes, compared with 27% of all adults surveyed.
I do think it is very sad that this exists, and that so many people think like this. I do stand by my argument, however, that women’s bodies, and breasts, are sexual by their very nature.
And the angle I hadn’t considered was the angle that women would find it uncomfortable breastfeeding because boobs have been sexualised. Considering my own thoughts and feelings (and yes, they are mine and mine alone) I guess I don’t like people looking at my boobs when I’m feeding coz it does make me feel a little bit icky. I feel this because they are a sensual part of my body, and, I feel, quite private. Not sure if I’ve explained that terribly well at all!
Anyhoo, if boobs weren’t sexual or sensual in the first place, I don’t believe the issue would be as huge as it is. I don’t believe boobs would be sexualised in the manner that they are if they weren’t sexual or sensual. In which case, it would be a moot point, breasts wouldn’t be sexualised and no one would be able to blame the media for anything. Or for this, anyway.
*sigh*
If only it were all that simple. I really wish we could all just accept and live with both.
As I said in the last boobie post – breasts, like women, are multitasking and multifunctional. Why are we not applauding this diversity of the boob? I know I am.
(Any excuse for a celebratory bubbles, really 
)
Picky Eaters – where does the problem lie?
Posted by: | CommentsThinking of my post last week about kids and their eating of greens, or, rather, lack of eating greens, subsequent discussions on the Retell Therapy Forums about picky eaters and thinking about what my own kids eat, I began delving into the issue of where the problem with picky eating lies.
It was mostly thinking about what my own kids eat that lead me to the conclusion that the issues we have with picky eaters lies with the parents. Yes, you, the parent! No, not in a “you’re a bad mummy because you let your kids sniff McDonalds” kind of way. No fault or finger pointing or ‘you should’s here.
This food pyramid , for children aged 6-12 months explains a little.
Although it is generally recommended that foods that fall into the top category of the pyrmaid are limited, they are still included on the pyramid. My argument would be the number of foodstuffs left off this particular pyramid. Things such as:
- cat and dog food
- floor sweepings
- marbles and other smallish toys owned by older siblings
- beside the fridge toast
- stuff sucked off the bottom of shoes
As chidren get older, of course, they require a wider variety of foods, and more of them. Provisions such as:
- couch Twisties
- school bag … hmmm, don’t want to hazzard a guess as to what that is
- under the table chewing gum
- footpath lollies
- supermarket floor broken biscuits
- leftover food under cafe tables
Now, does this sound like the gastronomic endeavours of a “picky eater” to you? Sounds to me like they’ll eat just about anything. Except, of course, the lovingly prepared and reasonably healthy foods you prepare for them.
It seems that it is the parents who are the picky ones with their “Argh! Don’t eat that, its disgusting”s and their “Eat your vegies or you won’t get dessert!”s. Looking at it from a totally different perspective, the kids aren’t at all picky, and, even better, seem to be quite adequate at fending for themselves. Mini hunter-gatherers if you will.
The benefits don’t stop there. Imagine the time you’ll save only having to make school lunch 3 times a week? Or getting them to clean their bags out at the end of school term … there’s a few days worth of feeding right there.
Buy them a milkshake when you’re out for coffee and they’ll locate their own treat type snacks to go with it.
Tantrums in shopping centres will no longer be an issue once you allow them to have the lollypop they want; the one stuck to the floor in isle 3. Boredom is relieved as they spend time removing the stray Skittle from the floor at indoor soccer while awaiting their brother to finish his game.
Parents really do need to start taking more responsibilty for their own issues, and stop pointing fingers at the kids and blaming them for being picky eaters! Quite clearly, they’re not!
“False” advertising – this really pees me off!
Posted by: | CommentsIn light of my post regarding boobs, bottles, broccoli and burgers and what we are really dealing with in relation to the marketing and advertising of certain foods, I was really, really, extremely pissed off when I saw this.
And a warning, I will get up on my high horse.
And remind readers about my background in the health and fitness industry and my passion for the overall wellbeing of society.
I really, really abhor misleading information. I really object to what pretty much amounts to chocolate for breakfast being promoted as “healthy”. Even if it is via the use of “some minimal percentage of your daily intake of whatever”. I get that the advertising agency with the account are bloody good at what they do.
ie sucking people in and making them buy something they don’t need.
I saw an advert the other day for a product that “lowers cholesterol absorption” and, thanks to our concerned government looking out for us and making these advertisements publish comparisons with their claims, the TV advert showed this product versus other “cholesterol lowering” foodstuffs, how much it lowered your choleserol and how much you needed to lower it by that amount. It compared something like half a teaspoon of olive oil to a rounded tablespoon of this product – a margarine.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I use more than half a teaspoon of olive oil in my cooking, and wouldn’t consume a rounded tablespoon of margarine in a day, over an enitre day. False, misleading and really very annoying!
But that’s now what got me most angry.
Nope, it was a pack of 6 stick packs of toddler formula. Now, apart from the fact that I don’t believe this product is in any way necessary, unless, of course it is necessary. Which is isn’t by a majority of the toddler population. The mere fact it exists is annoying in and of itself, and that it is advertised on telly and in mags the way that it is only adds to my furore. On the back of the pack, it showed how many cups of this stuff your toddler needed to fulfill his or her daily iron requirements.
It compared it with the number of cups of milk – normal, everyday cow’s milk – your toddler would need to attain the same levels of iron.
Now, for those in the know, this is infuriating. For those who don’t, you’re about to find out just how infuriating. You see, milk contains very little iron. Milk “manufacturers” do not promote milk as source of iron. It is not marketed in any way that implies it is good for your iron intake.
Not only that, but it is well know (by those in the know) that calcium prohibits the body’s uptake of iron. In other words, milk and iron do not go together for the benefit of iron and your body.
To compare the two in this manner is, yes, false, misleading and, as far as I’m concerned unethical.
And it really is no wonder we parents (mums?) constantly feel like we’re doing the wrong things, and spendign billions of dollars on crap we don’t need.
Right, I’m off my high horse now, and about to write a very nasty letter … hmm, perhaps should jump back on for the time being?
This is how we change the world
Posted by: | CommentsCame across this on Pink Heels and thought it appropriate following my post re Breastfeeding in Public.
This is how we change the world …
Say hello
Say thank you
Say goodbye
Say it to friends and family
Say it to people you pass on the street
Always say it with a smile on your face
Pass it on …
(And in light of my post – say it to women you see breastfeeding (or bottlefeeding) in public, and say it to those who look at you or comment to you when you are feeding in public 
)
Inconvenient, yes, devastating, no!
Posted by: | CommentsOk – so we had to go the “formula administration” route, for two reasons:
1. to get Chippie’s weight up to a more acceptable level (waaaaay off the chart was a big concern for all), and;
2. to see if he would put on weight with formula, basically to rule something in or out.
If he put on weight, great and we kinda had an idea what the cause was. If he didn’t, then we knew to look elsewhere.
(Blood test results also pending).
Bugger! Inconvenient, but doable. Better than a starved to death child.
Of course, the days I start it, he gets a cold and my boob issues flair up (an excruciating pain cycling with mild pain, and including things like shooting pain, blocked pain, and general pain – argh! – ongoing since an injury early on in the piece) causing pain, and what appears to be a blockage.
All kinds of things go through my head (I read FAR too many parenting books and listen to too many people) …the formula has decreased his immune system, he prefers the bottle, my milk will dry up, I’m a failure as a Mother .. and all the usual. Not easy to do when your boob fluctuates between feeling like its going to explode and keeping up up at night, to pain, what pain?
Many thanks to the two amazing women I spoke to at the Australian Breastfeeding Association (ABA), who worked with me on working out other possible scenarios for the screamy feeding and sore booby … thus helping me work through the problem.
No thanks to the silly woman who told me I “must be devastated” about “inflicting formula” on my baby!
Inconvenient, yes. Devastating would be more along the lines of having my baby become seriously ill, or dying perhaps, due to malnutrition. Or losing my house and family to a bushfire.
It has, however, reinforced why I don’t want to bottle feed. Nope, I’m still not feeling guilty.
My mind has been taken off the pain in my boob, thanks to the pain in my toe after smaking it into the bottom step and removing a chunk of toenail at 2am. Something I was never at risk of when moving from bedroom to bedroom to breast feed. A jaunt to the kitchen to grab a bottle and take it back, it appears, has put me at risk of serious injury!
Course, pain is now numbed by fatigue, now I’m staying up longer and wandering darkened corridors at Stupid O’Clock.
And if one more person tells me how great bottle feeding is, and it will be easier, because my Darling Husband can help, they may very well be stabbed with a silicone nipple-replica!
See, he gets up very early, and I’m a nice wife and see little point in us both being extremely grumpy. Besides, he won’t wake up, despite how much I poke and prod him. And he’s not home during the day.
Helping, my bum!
On the upside, I do have a night out planned in a few weeks. Might even be a sleepover … and they’ll have to cope without me.
Inconvenient … at times, yes … but maybe not.
Why the Breastfeeding Brigade Pee Me Off!
Posted by: | CommentsI do feel the need to preface this post by saying that I am an advocate for breastfeeding. A very strong advocate for it. I’m well aware of the many benefits of breastfeeding, from bonding, baby development, and particularly the nurtitional aspect.
I have a strong background in health relating to nutrition and excercise. I’m well aware of where the World Health Organisation (WHO) stand in realtion to breastfeeding, and other health issues. Including the factors that impact upon the mental and emotional wellbeing of mothers, and their families.
I don’t feel I have to justify myself. I just feel the need to let people know where I stand in relation to breastfeeding, because whenever I stand up for Mums who choose not to (or can’t) breastfeed, I’m usually torn to pieces and condemned as one of those whom has no interest in the health and well-being of my child etc etc blah blah. Those of you also on the end of it will understand.
Those of you who are dishing it out will no doubt have very valid reasons for your doing so.
Anyway … why the Breastfeeding Brigade really P*** me off.
It started when I was surfing blogs (‘scuse my lack of techno talk – do you ‘surf blogs’ or just the ‘net?) and came across a link on the pages of that of a prominent parenting advocate, lactation consultant and soother of babies (someone I respect very much, so am loathe to use her name in this instance) … a link that indicated Everything you need to know about breastfeeding before you have your baby.
“Wow! Cool,” I thought to myself. “This will be interesting reading.”
Until I got to point one, which pretty much stated that your new baby, after it’s drug free and natural arrival into the world, would locate your breast on it’s own and suckle to it’s little heart’s content.
Right. Ok. Good point.
I read on, looking for the other points under the ‘everything’ – where was the bit for people who did have drugs during labour? What about babies who went to special care nursery? Or, for some reason, either couldn’t or wouldn’t locate the breast? Or had issues attaching or sucking or … myriad other issues that can go wrong.
I know my first pregnancy, my plan was a drug free, vaginal birth. Ok, I lie, I was open to the option of drugs. Like, in the carpark. But vaginal it was. It said it on my birth plan.
24 hours and an emergency cesarean later, there went the vaginal and drug free. Two doses, thank you very much!
I also didn’t see my brand new baby for two hours .. for various reasons I won’t go into.
Now, I have no problem with the information in this piece of writing. There was some very good advice in there.
The problem I have is the lack of information. The “clean and swaddled Johnson & Johnson baby suckling serenely at my breast moments after giving birth, while I gazed lovingly and (also) serenely on” are in every book you pick up.
Information I could have used, and others I have since spoken to, is the information pertaining to breastfeeding after labouring for 24 hours and having a c-section and not seeing your baby for 2 hours.
Fortunately, he didn’t have to go into the special care nursery. There’s more info needed there.
As it turned out, our first feed was amazing.
Amazing, because I lay in recovery, baby and husbandless, for two hours, with all the “Get your baby on the breast immediately, or you will have feeding problems and never bond” going through my head, and telling myself what a failure of a mother I was.
And I’d only just begun that particular journey.
I guess what I’m saying is that it doesn’t always go to plan. And the information (yes, yes, I know natural, drug free births etc etc blah blah are “all for the best for mother and baby” etc etc blah blah) out there can inadvertently cause stress, sometimes unnecessary stress, and lead to some serious emotional issues for mums.
Depression among them.
Everything you need to know about breastfeeding before you have your baby covers more than “births according to our heart’s desire”. Not that a drug free, vaginal birth is everyone’s desire either, but that’s another post.
A broad reference to other issues wouldn’t go astray, and would do a load of good for many women.
That set me off on my little “breast is best” high horse canter.
What kept me up there was a little stoush on facebook with someone on the Breastfeeding Brigade – and someone clearly on it for the ride, and not an expert or someone who knew what they were talking about.
Yup. The “Bottle feeding is obscene” comment that headed my way.
Did I mention not everything with birth and breastfeeding goes to plan?
The backpeddling came close to reversing the Earth’s rotation.
It’s one thing to leave out a heap of pertinant information when you’re talking about “Everything”. An oversight, a strong personal view, a whatever … who knows.
It’s quite another to make broad, sweeping statements about people’s choices, or, in quite a number of cases, their circumstances which prevent choice … in this case, bottle feeding … then attempt to justify by saying “oh, I was only talking about those who …” only when confronted.
Broad sweeping statements, particularly those uttered out of ignorance, have a much broader impact on mother’s than is considered. It impacts significanly on their mental and emotional health.
It can lead to feelings of inadequacy and failure. Even depression.
Ironically, it can cause so much stress as to impact upon breastfeeding to a point where mother’s are physically unable to continue.
No, when you make a broad sweeping statement, we don’t get that you’re not talking about us; those who, by choice or circumstance, don’t have drug free births, or breastfeed.
Broad sweeping statements include us. ALL of us. You included.
In saying that – not all the Breastfeeding Brigade Pee me off – just those of you who speak before you think. Or worse, think that everyone is the same as you.
Birthing with the aid of drugs is ok.
Bottle feeding is not offensive.
What is offensive is saying that it is.
