Some days, I find it really hard to bite my tongue. I’m passionate about a few things – mostly living in a cohesive society and an evironment that could actually be construed as a “community” – I lose sleep, I get angry and furstated and have to say something.

Funnily, in light of my post yesterday, about the 3 Things “they” don’t tell you to expect and a particular newsletter/update I received from a well known “expert” when it comes to parenting which caused me much angst and furstration, I’m letting go of my tongue and saying something pertaining to the experts knowing when to STFU and bite their own tongues.

I get that everyone has their own philosphy and way of doing things when it comes to parenting. When it comes to most things actually, but this blog is called Reality Parenting, therefore, we will stick with that. Also, it is what the update I received was about, so it all fits.

Anyhoo, this particular “expert” has their way of teaching stuff. Which is cool. I don’t abide by their particular teachings as they do not suit me. It does not stop me, however, referring people to them, no suggesting they may be a great person to seek information from in their particular circumstances.

Much like the way the major political parties run their election campaings, I find far too many “experts” use the same tact to promote their own teachings.

Along the lines of “What, you want to know what we do? Um … err … um, quick, look over there! At The Other. Ooooh, aren’t they bad, bad, naughty people, telling you stuff like that. That’ll fuck your kids up for life!”

Then they scurrey away.

What I HATE. Loath. Abhor. And all the other words that can be used to emphasise how much I dislike something, is people that sell their own teachings on telling you what the others are doing wrong.

Worse, when they use words like “LIE” (in big, capital, usually bolded or italiced or both letters) or others that imply that The Other is a nasty peice of work and conning you.

Where I sit, is that there are some fabulously different parenting philosophies out there. Some suit some people, some suit others. And it is all okay!

It scares me that people who claim to be “experts” and claiming to “empower mothers” to trust their intuition and be ok with who they are and in their choices whilst, at the same time telling them that if they choose to do things in a way that suits them, but is not what that particular “expert” teaches then they are “psychologically or emotionally damaging” their children and causing all kinds of issues. Some will even go so far as to mention that their children will grow up to be a menace to society should they not “do it my way”.

I’ve alluded to some of the practices of some “experts” before, using video from half a century ago to suggest that these things are happening now.

I think it is WAY beyond the time for these “experts” to take responsibility and be accountable for the impact they are having.

They are causing confusion amongst mothers, who, at one stage were kind of ok with who they were and what suited them.

They are spreading, via use of outdated parenting methods of The Other philosophy, incorrect information and advice, making it more public than it needs to be, and leading people to believe it’s the way it’s still done. When they don’t choose one method, because it doesn’t sit right, they have access to outdated and, yes, potentially harmful advice.

Worse, it creates divisiveness in the communty, giving ammunition to judge to one side, again, based on false/outdated information, resulting in lack of support from one mother to another when she most needs it. Rather than the support she needs, she is bombarded with “helpful” advice that involves her screwing her kid’s head up.

I do wonder whether, in some of these courses/books/information sites they do actually give some good, proper, “here’s how I teach” and “here’s how to” advice, or whether most of it amounts to scare tactics and “what not to do”.

I think they need to be responsible and accountable for providing a safe place for mums (and dads) to choose the parenting method that best suits them, and allow the community around them to support, even if they don’t necessarily work with that particular method themselves.

I know it is something I do.

And as for the “expert” and their “THEY are LIEING” email, I’ve kind of lost just a bit of respect for you.

I’m now scared to refer people to you. Which is a shame, because I think what your “here’s how to do” stuff is actually pretty good, even if I don’t use it myself. It’s your approach that has me seething, and the fact that you’ve gone with the “look over there at the nasty people” rather than tell me how you can help that’s got me angried up.

I don’t like that, and it’s alereted me to just how much damage you are doing to women, as a group, and to the support networks they had available to them before you spoke up.

Sometimes the “experts” have some awesome things to say, and advice to impart.

And sometimes, they should just SHUT UP!