Archive for raising boys
Speaking of doing stupid stuff …
Posted by: | CommentsAs most of you know, I live in a house full of testosterone (3 boys and a hubby).
Doing Stupid Stuff is just a part of our life.
Well, their’s. I do a lot of head shaking and saying “you’re an idiot” and “no, we’ve run out of bandaids. Again” and “well, if you were playing Silly Buggers then I’m not surprised you got hurt” and so on and so forth. But I’ve learnt to live with it.
Along with farting, eating copious amounts of anything, noise and miscellaneous Chaos.
I know I’m generalising, and I know there are girls who do this stuff too, but there are reasons for the generalisations and doing stupid dangerous things tends to be in the domain of boys.
(Whether you believe it is nature or nurture is irrelevant – boys do more dangerous and stupid stuff than girls, generally speaking)
Whilst I know my hubby and I ‘encourage’ this behaviour, to a degree, at this point in their lives it is mostly done in ‘safe’ conditions. Either one of us are watching, helping, talking through and generally ensuring that they are relatively safe. Any situation that looks like it’s going to result in me passing up a glass of wine so I can sit in emergency for 14 hours is quickly put to a stop.
And this is what scares the bejeezus out of me.
There will come a point in their lives when we are not there to talk them through where to safely put their feet, or stop them when they do or say something that will seriously maim or kill them.
The incident of a few weeks back where 5 ‘kids’ (young adults – and one kid) where killed in a high speed car accident, where the driver was restricted and way over the blood alcohol limit is an example. Extreme, some may think, but it happens and it terrifies me.
I do hope that my hubby and I have instilled better sense of judgement in them than that.
I do know that kids are wired for testing boundaries and trying stupid, dangerous stuff. Some more than others. I believe it is inate. I also know that modeling from parents, teaching and encouragement by parents and respect for parents plays a big part in their behaviours. Other adults are included in this modeling and teaching as well; teachers, relatives, family friends, TV stars …
Whether that adult is considered responsible or not is irrelevant. They impact upon developing kids and young adults by being a part of their lives.
I digress slightly.
Boys will be boys and will do stupid stuff. Dangerous stuff. They are impacted on and influenced by those around them and close to them, particularly the male figures in their lives.
Their Dads are possibly the biggest influence in their lives (those how have Dads around them, of course)
An awesome colleague of mine, Pete Aldin (better known as a Freaked Out Father) has organised a Dads and Lads retreat.
If you’re a Mum of boys aged between 11-13, and terrified as I am (or not 
)I urge you to pass this info onto their Dad and encourage them to sign up (please do not force him to do it or tell him you want him to. Let him sort it out for himself).
If you’re a Dad and want to strengthen, create or recreate a bond with your son, and be an awesome role model that he will respect, or you’re just as scared as we Mums of Boys, or you just want a boys weekend away with benefits then I say “do this”
Dads and Lads Retreat … for further info visit http://www.freakedoutfathers.com/upcoming-events/
(No doubt there will also be lots of farting, miscellaneous Chaos, eating and probably some stupid boy stuff thrown in as well. Enjoy!)
Real Mum of the Year Finalist – Kim
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Real Mum of the Year Award Finalist 2009
Kim is a married mother to one son, aged 6, and is currently up the duff and living in the ACT.
Kim is a fan of duct tape, and of letting children figure it out for themselves. Usually a “Fine! Do it yourself then!!” kind of encouragement when she gets over her kid telling her he can “do it himself”, then whinging coz he won’t. Bloody kids.
Depsite knowing the mess she’s gonna come home to, she has seriously contemplated buggering off for a weekend away with the girls for a wine and a whine – and just letting her two “boys” fight it out, fend for themselves and sort their crap out before she gets home.
Kim is also a victim of the Wii and Children Combo – where when playing a sonic game, her darling son was bouncing around beside her, in charachter. Getting in her way, Kim pushed him aside (and flat on his bum), causing tears.
Like any good mother, she continued playing until she’d won, then checked that no blood was present.
Congrats and good luck, Kim!
Real Mum of the Year Finalist – Alexandra (Lex)
Posted by: | CommentsLex is a single mum to two boys, aged 4 and 6, living in Penrith, NSW.
Real Mum of the Year Award Finalist 2009
Despite the trials and tribulations of the dating scene, she is a remarkably real mum.
Sure, she’s done the odd “Gee, I wonder why that’s not working?” when attempting to cure a headache with a urinary tract support medication instead of panadiene. But haven’t we all?
Still, she’s incredibly resourceful, and let us in on the tip that when the house is devoid of bandaids (an essential when raising boys), simply use a panty liner and some sticky tape. She’s got loads more tips like this.
We’re just really impressed with her for getting it together enough, what with the incurable headaches and lack of panty liners, to registering her son’s birth. Just as he was about to turn 4.
(Yes, 4 years, not days)
Well done, Lex, on making it as a finalist and best of luck!
Bouncing Baby Boys … and the problem is …???
Posted by: | CommentsI am now – despite cries of disagreement from seemingly the rest of the world – the mother of three boys.
According to just about everyone else in the world, despite the gorgeousness and “goodness” of my new addition, I must be somewhat disappointed. Surely I was desperate for a girl? And how am I going to cope with yet another boy?!
I literally had a neighbour recently stop me in the street, ask if I had had a girl, then wave her hand, state “Nevermind” and walk away without even asking to take a look at a week old baby, let alone any details!
You see, the thing is, I grew up around boys. My dad cared for us, mostly, during the day and I had two brothers. I married into a family dominated by boys (six of them, including my husband). I’ve always had better relationships with males. They’re less complicated. Although they are more bouncy.
Growing up, I didn’t have a particularly good relationship with my mother. In all honestly, the possibility of having a girl frightened the bejeezus out of me. Then I wouldn’t know how to cope.
Sadly, I see so many Mother’s of Boys (and, for the most part, a girl or two in tow as well) struggling with the concept of “boy”. Friends of mine rushing their testosterone bundles off to paediatricians and child psychologists due to their boisterousness, their obsessions with machinery and their need to run, bounce, climb and yell. Loudly!
Women pulling their hair out about their boys not sitting still, getting up to mischief and not enjoying a day out shoe shopping.
Its something I’ve not dealt with myself. Perhaps its my exposure to the male species over most of my lifespan that I can view this behaviour, shake my head and say “bloody idiot”, whilst accepting and loving my boys unconditionally. Perhaps it’s the relationship I had with my mother.
Perhaps its just that Barbie Pink makes me physically ill after prolonged periods.
Who knows?
Chris Owen, a fellow mother of three boys, although hers are much more growed up than mine (and Mummy Mentor to me, although she doesn’t know it yet ) wrote about Boys Will Be Boys – And So What? on the blog, Joyful Jubilant Learning.
She offers a number of valuable lessons in this post, but the bit that struck a cord for me was this:
Rearing sons has taught me to always be prepared to be surprised. In other words – I can’t be in control. (Not a concept that a control-freak mother likes to consider!)
What I have discovered is that loving them without expectations, and just the way they are, is the only way to set them free and stay sane at the same time.
It’s a philosophy I have lived with with my boys, including my husband pre-kids (but that’s a different story). I think its a great piece of advise and one all Mothers of Boys would do well to take on board.
My life – as chaotic and mayhemish as it is at times - is, at the same time, relaxed and filled with fun. I embrace the fact that boys need chaos, they need to run, jump and climb.
I embrace that they sometimes need their Mummy, that Mummy Cuddles can fix a lot of hurts, and they’re no less a ‘man’ for asking for one. This has given them confidence and security.
Accepting this is who they are and just ‘what they do” has given me peace. In more ways than one. Peace, despite the noise levels boys need to function at.
They are, after all, not referred to as Bouncing Baby Boys for nothing.
