The cynic in me (or perhaps its the realist in me) has long believed that if you mention the word “wedding” or “baby” the price of stuff goes up. Add an extra “0″ to the price.

I also believe, particularly in relation to babies, there is a whole heap of crap “they” try to sell you that you don’t really need. I like to call it “Emotional Blackmail”.

Some of these things are downright ridiculous. Seriously, are we so intent on breeding an entire generation of kids who have zero  concept that there is perhaps a little bit of discomfort in the world.

If this isn’t Extreme Overprotective Parenting (EOP) then I don’t know what is. Welcome to the Baby Wipe Warmer!

(My first thought when I saw these was “Are you fucking kidding me?!” And I don’t usually swear in reviews)

Let me be upfront, as that is the point of a good review. I don’t actually own one of these, because I’m not stupid enough to buy one myself, and even my friends who purchase me the most ironic of gifts would know they’d have it thrown back at their heads within moments of me unwrapping it.

Aside from neglecting your child from experiencing a bit of reality for a mere 3 seconds at a time (and if it didn’t poo so often, it wouldn’t experience this abuse on such a regular basis) and depriving yourself of the enjoyment of payback with a cold, moist cloth, you also get to pay for the privelege of owning one. At the expense of your Vodka habit, of course, which is also most suitable for aiding you with a baby who squirms when you wipe it’s bum.

Of course, oh evil mummy, if you don’t buy one, you’re child will undoubtably grow up with severe emotional and psychological issues, and quite possibly Post Traumatic Stress Disorder at the prolonged abuse you have inclflicted upon him or her for the first 2-3 years of it’s life. Like it will even remember how horrible you were to it.

Sheesh.

The funniest thing, however – even more riduculous than there very fact that these products are out there and being purchased (dare I say, by moronic parents who have either been sucked in BIG TIME or have EOP Syndrome) – when I searched, over 104,000 links came up! WTF?!, and there are over thirty different sorts of baby wipe warmers you can purchase, including travel wipes warmers!

One even comes with a light! Because? You’re a moron with more money than sense, who finds it hard to see in the dark? I’m guessing.

It’s products  like this that make me really wish I’d run with some of my freaking ridiculous ideas that sound fabulous at 2am, but in the harsh light of day are, well, freaking ridiculous. I might be closer to living the reality of  a holiday in the Bahamas.

So, if you’ve been sucked in to purchasing one of these, go see your psych about dealing with your EOP, and your GP to see if they have any meds to help. And if you’ve nothing better to spend you’re money on, feel free to send some my way. I take cash, Visa and sauvignon blanc (preferably from Marlborough, NZ).

I’m still shaking my head in disbelief that products like this are actually selling … some people will sell anything to expectant parents. And it’s wrong, I tell you. Wrong!

Note: EOP or Extreme Overprotective Parenting is not a real disorder. Yet. It’s one that I made up just today. However, if you have purchased a baby wipe warmer and it wasn’t a sarcastic gift for someone else, I think it may be more real than we believe and should perhaps be listed in the DSM.