Archive for support for mums
Gee, that’s a surprise! (oh, and that was sarcasm :))
Posted by: | CommentsA recent study has shown that most Gen-Yers are “embarrassed to breastfeed in public“.
According to an article on news.com.au and study by Queensland University of Technology showed that:
More than 50 per cent of women believed it would be uncomfortable to breastfeed in public, and a majority of men and women did not want their child to be breastfed in public for fear of embarrassment.
It also went on to say that most also did not fully understand the benefits of breastfeeding, ages to introduce solids etc etc.
Does anyone else think that perhaps the constant negative publicity surrounding breastfeeding in public my the media, and seemingly encouraged by organisations that “support” breastfeeding may have impacted on, oh, I don’t know, people who are yet to experience having a baby?
I’m alert to such things in the media and have had many a rant on this blog and others about the fact that while 27% of the population may be against it, it would indicate that 63% are for it, don’t care, or don’t know. Taking into account the ’for it’ and ‘don’t care’, one (perhaps I’m that only one?) would assume that it’s pretty much culturally acceptable.
Unless, of course, that remaining 63% fall into the “don’t know” category, in which case they are not living in this country, or been anywhere in the vicinity of me, who openly breastfed in various public places, and some VERY public places.
What I’m getting at is I find it highly unlikely that a majority of those who aren’t against breastfeeding in public fall into the “what are you talking about?” category.
Further, what I’m getting at is that 27% – ie less than a third – are against it, yet the focus seems to be on that particular group and what they think and believe. This is the minority, people!
Since when do we bow to them?!
Not suggesting there isn’t a need for some kind of education for the masses to understand it more and accept it. Particularly now that we’ve spent so bloody long focussing on all the negatives of it and we now have to undo it all!
I also don’t like to discredit the possible impact of Western societies penchant for sexualising boobs either, and do wonder if the results of this study were perhaps influenced party by this, and also the fact that the cohort haven’t actually experienced having a baby and doing stuff with it. I know before I had kids, I didn’t think of my boobs as being a source of food for anyone, as were the thoughts of many women I know. So potentially flawed results.
As for understanding how and why breastfeeding is “preferred”, some information would be really handy. “Breast is best” and “bottle feeding is obscene” is, sadly, not information and is, in fact, bullying and … obscene!
And perhaps if it wasn’t rammed down out throats (pardon the pun) every 5 minutes during our pregnancies, we may be a little more open to hearing about it’s benefits and not stressing about not being able to do it for fear of being considered a bad mother!
So, hopping off my high horse now, I, personally, am not at all surprised at this outcome, and will continue my rhetoric about focussing on the positives of breastfeeding in public; like most people don’t care if you do or not, and perhaps we can then affect cultural change. Not that a majority of the population need it, coz they seem to be pretty cool about it.
And I do have to apologise to any non-breastfeeders – actually, scrap that, I will use the term loud and proud – bottle feeders out there if I have inadvertently reinforced any negative feelings you have about bottle feeding. I say kudos to you, and you are doing the absolute best you can be doing for your bubs – you all rock and as far as I’m concerned if you are feeding it, caring for it and loving it then you ROCK! Keep it up 
“The child should ALWAYS come first”
Posted by: | CommentsIt’s something we, as mothers, hear all the time and something a lot of people, particularly childless-but-wanna-be-parents-one-day people, bang on about.
“Children should ALWAYS come first”
Apart from the use of the abhorrent word “should”, I do have issues with this statement (command? Sanctimious high-horsing?)
I’m not actually opposed to the welfare of the child, and children receiving the best that their parents can offer and getting great starts to life and all the rest.
What I am opposed to is the use of this ‘phrase’ (inrelenting belief of the ignorant?) by simple people who see the world in black and white, who jump to conclusions about what parents do and automatically condemn. Particularly if (when) the behaviour of the said parents can be (mis)construed as going against their own beliefs.
It is a phrase that can cause a lot of confusion and unfouded accusations and judgement, lead to distress and angst, and sometimes depression, in mothers (and fathers). It creates conflict. The main problem with it is that it can be interpreted in so many ways, yet it always comes back to being about whatever the mother does to and for the child. Or doesn’t do.
I’ve been the recipient of many an accusatory email, Facebook thread and forum thread in my time, because I strongly believe that, at times, Mum needs to come first.
Not at the expense of the child and his or her emotional, psychological, spiritual and/or physical well-being, but rather for the benefit of it. It’s all very well to sit back and judge mums who leave their kids at home unsupervised, or feed them baked beans on toast for dinner (which is a hell of a lot better than fast food that many “good” mothers feed their kids, then justify it!), or leave the kids in the “evils” of childcare, or … blah blah blah.
To be fair, I’m not an advocate of leaving kids at home, unsupervised. However, put this in the context of a severely depressed woman who is this close to homicide and/or suicide and I tend to lean on the “get mum a break and put HER first” side of the fence. I’ll also do this for someone who is not severely depressed, or even depressed at all, but having a serioulsy bad moment and likely to hurt someone.
This “the child should always come first” is actually coming first, because Mum put herself first by getting out of the house and going for a walk. She does that or smacks the kid, and we all know where that leads to … yup, more condemnation, accusations and judgement. And looky that – no support! She’d damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t.
Mums heading off to work or study, leaving their kids in care and doing all those horrible sorts of things, we’ve read, time and again, how it’s selfish and they “should” be with their kids. As someone who went off to study with a 3 month old baby – I can tell you that I copped all the flak, but rose above it because I knew that it was the best for him, as well as me. The need to study, or go to work is not always financial; it may be social, emotional, psychological … it’s a drive some women have that can be, quite literally, a life saver, and have profound impacts on their well-being. ALL of their wellbeing.
I can honestly say that mums putting themselves and their needs first is more often than not, the best for the child. It is putting the child first and foremost in their mind, and doing what they can to ensure the safety and wellbeing of thier kids, by not putting the child first at every moment of the day.
Many of us have heard the analogy (which I’m loathe to quote here because I’m so sick of hearing it, but some haven’t so here it is) of putting your oxygen mask on before you help others put their’s on. If you’re unconscious because you put “the child first”, there’s bugger all you can do to help them, or anyone else.
If feeding yourself before feeding the child means you have the means to earn (beg? borrow? whatever you need to do?) some cash so you can purchase more food, then you’re better off doing that than feeding the baby and collapsing on the floor, incapable of doing anything.
If your baby is not sleeping and won’t stop crying, you’re better off walking out of the room and leaving it to cry, than smacking it, throwing it, or landing yourself in a mental institution. You’re no good to anyone there, and you won’t be able to settle your baby to sleep when you’re in a psych ward.
If you need to leave your toddler in care, or your school child needs afters school care several times a week, so you can go off to work, or study, or run your business, then they’re better off there than at home with a woman who screams and yells, who cries and drinks excessively and who flinches at the sight of her children coming near her.
So no, it’s imperative that that the child not ALWAYS come first.
And it’s that child not always coming first that goes a long way to ensuring that their wellbeing is, in fact, top priority.
Bad Mother? Wash your mouth out! Or, better still, stuff it with food
Posted by: | CommentsThis irks me at any time of year, but at this time of year, there just seems to be so much more of it about!
It really is very, very annoying.
As some of you know, I’ve a background in health and fitness, did some study that involved excercise and nutrition, and am a bit of a stickler for good eatin’ (without being all Nazi and obnoxious and anal about it all). In short, I kinda know my stuff, without being an expert or professing to be one.
Anyhoo, a while back we had a discussion on “quick” food when we’re time poor. Like I said, this time of year tends to bring out the need for this kind of food/meal, coz we tend to be busier than usual.
Amongst the odd “two minute noodles” and “I just take them to Maccas” comments were the “Baked beans on toast. I’m such a bad mother!” In fact, “cereal” was in there, all “bad motherish” as much as baked beans on toast. And omlette or scrambled eggs.
Even Mia Freedman, in her book Mama Mia, has listed on her Crap List (this is the list of crap things you do as a mother) that she gave her kids “cereal for dinner”, specifying “weetbix, banana and milk” in there.
You lot saying this need a bloody good smack on the bum!
Baked beans are probably one of the most nutritious meals out there (albeit a little high on the salt side of things). Add some toast and you’ve got a fair whack of all your things you need in a meal. High in fibre, high in protein, low in fat, great energy food and it’s easy to make!
Since when is “weetbix with banana and milk” a “bad” thing. So bad you need to add it to your “I’m a crap mother” list. Sure, you’re feeding it to your kids for dinner instead of the lamb roast with 5 different vegies and home made gravy, or the bolognaise that took you a week to make and is full of grated vegetables “so the kids don’t know they’re in there and will eat it”, but it could be worse.
You could be giving them Macca’s. Oh, but that’s ok and doesn’t make you all bad mothery.
I’m not against Maccas (ok, I am, but not in a judgemental, you’re feeding your kids poison kind of way. Kinda. Ok, its long and complex and another post. I digress), I’m just cross when people think Maccas does’t make them a bad mum, and baked beans or cereal does. It’s not the food I’m angry about – its what you’re saying about yourself.
Eggs are also loaded with really good stuff and it’s really easy to whip up scrambled eggs. There’s also the added benefit of some stress releif with the scrambling, if that helps. Ham, cheese and tomato toasties – ooh, that’s a nomoination for worst mother in the Universe! Why not give them weeties with yogurt on it and call DHS to have your kids fostered out?
I want to make this clear – this is not a post about whether feeding your kids takeaway from Maccas is ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – it’s not even a rant about Maccas, or any other takeaway joint for that matter.
It’s about the extent that Mums will go to beat themselves (and others) up when they’re actually doing something GREAT!
I really don’t know whether people think that baked beans, eggs and Weetbix (and some other cereals) are really that bad. Given my insight into nutrition, which is more than a lot of Mums I know, then I find it hard to understand that they can be remotely considered “bad” foods, or Mums considered “bad” for feeding them to their kids.
Where have they got these ideas? Because they come out of a tin/packet/shell and it’s an easy thing to whip up? Bananas? Serioulsy – feeding your kid bananas makes you a bad mum because you give it to them at the “wrong” time of day?
What the hell is the “wrong time of day” anyway? Who says we can’t eat cereal for dinner? In fact, given the way our metabolism functions, along with lots of other physiological and biological things going on with our bodies, it’s sometimes recommended as the preferred evening meal!
So, says I, be off with you this season and give your kids baked beans and scrambled eggs and toast and weetbix and bananas and milk!
And be proud doing it!
Childcare – who gets first dibs?
Posted by: | CommentsInteresting segment on Today Tonight last night regarding Stay At Home Mums and use of childcare.
Unfortunately, I was one of those who appeared on the segment, and was interviewed, along with a SAHM and parenting educator, Michael Grose. Basically, it was a presentation about whether SAHMs needed to use childcare or not.
Before I kick into the discussion, I have to say I was overly unimpressed with being portrayed as the person who things SAHM’s don’t need childcare. They got Michael saying all the good stuff about how all mums need a break. I said that, too, only way better. But they needed a two sided argument and obviously couldn’t get anyone else to say it (I had numbers I could have given them!), so I was the idiot.
Anyhoo, interesting debates have sprouted around the place about who gets first dibs on childcare – especially when there are a lack of places in a particular area. Of course, calling these segments and articles and similar “Mums At War” and “Mummy Wars” and the rest of it only set the scene – and influences people’s thoughts – for what is to follow in the article/segment.
So who is entitled to first dibs on Childcare?
Is it the working Mum, who has a place to be, others relying on her, being paid to do a job, with specific places to be a specific times? Surely she has the right to bump up the waiting list ahead of everyone else, because she has someone relying on her?
Oh, hang on. But what about the business owner with kids? Doesn’t she have others relying on her, too? Clients and customers to do things for? It’s her source of income, and, of course, aids the family in whatever way, so having no care means she can’t earn that income, right? So if she has no care, how can she run her business effectively?
But that’s not fair, because at least the working mums and, to an extent, the self-employed mums get a break from the kids and do something that isn’t kid related, and the SAHM gets to spend all their time (depending on who you speak to, of course) with the kids, so shouldn’t they be the ones who get first go at whatever care is available, to give them a break from the kids?
Of course, then you get all the “choice” arguments. People “choose” to work, so it’s their problem, or people “choose” to stay home and look after the kids, so they just have to deal with it.
The problem, from the larger, social perspective, is that whatever sort of mum you are, you’re stereotyped … and with that comes the argument against you. The SAHM lives for her kids, has no life and does everything for them and wants nothing more than to spend all her time with them. The WAHM is not really a business woman, just chose to start up a buniess so she could justify her existance and “be there for the kids”. And the working Mum? Well, she’s just selfish and why did she have kids in the first place. Applied, of course, regardless of their circumstances, how many hours they do or don’t work and everything else.
If only it were that black and white. And true. Stereotypes come about for a reason, but they don’t apply to everyone. And they miss fundamental aspects of being a human being. But that’s a whole other post.
Debates like this just reinforce these stereotypes, and, worse, the “other sides” of these debates actually believe them! The SAHM will be quick to justify she’s not like that, but will happily slot those who aren’t SAHMs into their respective stereotype. And I’m not picking on SAHMs, because the working mums and the self-employed Mums are just as bad!
The silly thing is, everyone thinks it stops there, and the debate rages between groups. Oh, NO! So not the case.
THe SAHM with the most kids will pit against the SAHM whose hubby works longer hours. The single WHAM goes into battle against the married one. The working mums battle it out over who has the most important job, the longer hours or the furthest to travel. Bring in who has their own Mum, sister or other living relative living nearby and you bring in more ammunition for your argument. Start comparing what your business provides for others, who has the “best” husband or the “most understanding” boss and you can argue for days.
In my opinion, I don’t know who deserves it most. I don’t know who, if anyone, should be moved up the list any faster than anyone else. I’d love to say it should be me, because I have a husband that works long hours, little job security, a small baby, and a business that changes the lives of other mums. Don’t I deserve it more than anyone else?
I don’t think anyone deserves the access to childcare more or less than anyone else. I believe they are all valid arguements, and it’s not a debate worth getting into, because it’s not one anyone can win.
Actually, I lie. I think the Mum most at risk to her self or her children should be given a long, hard consideration for being given priority.
Of course, I also believe that if stupid debates like this, and pitting us against each other, were eliminated, then the number of women at risk to themselves or their children would reduce. Significantly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m a Bad Mother. Whatever.
Posted by: | CommentsOK. I get it. I admit it. In fact. I’ve never denied it.
I do understand those concerns some of you have, and thanks for your emails, too, by the way.
I hear ya. I’m a bad mother. I swear in front of my kids. Hell, I even swear at them at times. I laugh when they’re rude to me. And I blog about it. I ask them if they would like a smack. I feed them cereal for dinner. I live by the philosophy that if they can open the Tupperware they can eat it.
And, quite frankly, if they don’t, then they don’t eat most of the time.
I openly admit that Thomas the Tank Engine bores the tits off me, craft sends me into a coma and I’d rather work till midnight than join in Family Movie Night when they choose Star Wars as the movie of the moment.
I let them watch the Simpsons and don’t care what anyone thinks.
I send them to school with vegemite sandwiches and carrot sticks, and not any of the suggestions on the millions of mummy websites that call for sushi rolls and hommus dips.
I do things like this, take photos and distrubute them to my contacts lists …
I could go on, and on and on about my failings as a mother.
But if you read between the lines, particularly those lines in my personal blog, Diary of a Mad Cow, you’ll notice that …
… actualy, you know what. If I have to explain to you what you may notice should you decide to cast aside your judgements, then there’s little point.
Those of you who can see the confident, self-assured kids, the connected and FUN household and the security it offers – and you know who you are – thank you! I love that you can see beyond the written words, and don’t just take them at face value.
Those of you who still prefer to judge me, then that’s ok. You are quite within your rights to do so. I still don’t need to justify myself to you.
But for the sake of other Mums (current and to be) perhaps before any of us leap to a conclusion, and choose to judge, maybe we need to be aware of their story to help us to understand them.
Here is the story of a Bad Mother. I invite you to read it. I only hope it enlightens you and helps you to become more accepting, just as it did for me.
A change in routine – thank goodness for Rainbow Week
Posted by: | CommentsUrgh. This final term of the school year, and we have some changes in routine.
An extra swimming lesson booked, soccer no longer in the diary, but replaced with basketball. On a different day at a different time. And Monkey Boy started back at guitar lessons, different teacher, different location, different day and time.
Not necessarily a good time of year to affect such change. They say it takes 21 days to form a habit. I’ve had three full school terms to get my head around it, and now … argh!
I do happen to have, however, a Rainbow Week ”calendar”, although I prefer to call it an Organiser. Unlike other magnetic organisers, this one has pretty, rainbow colours, one for each day of the week, and is pie shaped (mmmm, pie) with a spinning arrow to indicate which day you’re on.
Rainbow Week Calendar
There’s a pre-school version (Rainbow Week 3+), with picture magnets, or a school one (Rainbow Week 5+), with word magnets, all pertaining to various, relative weekly activities for kids.
It is designed for younger children (pre-school and just starting school) to aid them in getting into routines, learning days of the week and helping them to get organised each day by letting them know what they have on that particular day.
I have to say – Forget the kids! As a mum of three, I much prefer to take a quick glance in the direction of the fridge (usually when retrieving the skinny milk for my morning’s coffee) and nowing exactly what I need to yell at the kids about each particular morning, than trying to locate a name and a day and match it all up with outdate information because I haven’t had time to update the table-style organiser.
Of course, the colours and visuals help immensely in making it easy to work out what the hell I’m doing each day!
Gotta say, it is a great time saver, is easy to update (hey, how hard is it to stick a magnet on?!) and, when I truly get over repeating myself, I just point to the brightly coloured, largish magnet on the fridge and say “Work it out yourself!” And they can!
Starting at $39.95 from Tip Toe Educational Products (www.tiptoeep.com.au)
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Am I the only sensible breastfeeding mum in this country?
Posted by: | CommentsI preface this post by reminding that I am a breastfeeding Mum. I am aware of the benefits of breastfeeding. I am an advocate for breastfeeding in public, and will defend a woman’s right to breastfeed. This is not justification. This is to prevent the flurry of incorrect emails & comments regarding my non-breastfeeding ways. Is there anybody else out there that sees the problem with this? Anyone that can see the … silliness, nay, stupidity in this? Are they serious?
Now, let me be clear, I am all for mums returning to work. I’m an advocate for workplaces being family friendly. I’m not suggesting that workplaces don’t take steps to cater for breastfeeding mums.
But … seriously? Come on. There’s yet another outrage on the web about a woman who was asked to express in a car, and forced to make up for work time spent expressing.
Horror. Outrage. Disgust! This is apalling, an abhorrent way to treat a breastfeeding woman. Because she is breastfeeding!
Here’s an example of such a story.
Is it just me, or can anyone else see the ridiculousness of this? From where I sit, employers pay people to work. If they’re not working, why shouldn’t they have to make up the time? Employers employ people so they can keep their businesses going, provide a service for their customers and/or the community and keep the economy going. If employees don’t perform their duties, the business goes belly up and, surprise, the employee is out of a job.
Being a breastfeeding mum is not going to stop you being out of a job when there is no business for you to work in.
That’s not discrimination, that’s doing the job you are paid to do!
And, yes, as an employer I’d be pretty annoyed to. Not because of the breastfeeding / expressing, but because I was paying you to do something you’re not! I feel the same about smokers and people who use their mobiile phone on my hours.
To be perfectly honest, the employer, whether a private or public business, has other things on their mind than the private lives of their employees. The lives of their employees outside of the workplace are generally not at the forefront of their minds. Or on their minds at all that matter. And for some businesses, creating an environment suitable for breastfeeding and/or expressing is an expense they can ill afford.
Purchase ergonomic chairs to comply with worksafe and so they don’t get sued, or throw someone out of an office and renovate it so they don’t get done for imaginary discrimination? It’s a financial, and time cost, that is not necessarily a priority.
And, imagine this:
Your bus driver stops the bus, mid route, and asks everyone to hop off so she can breastfeed in private.
“Yeah, really sorry I had to pop out during your husband’s open heart surgery. It is a shame he died, but, you know, the baby needed a feed.”
“If you could just stand there with your hands up for another 20 minutes, I just need to express, then I’ll go about either arresting you or shooting you. Thanks, I’d appreciate it.”
Oh, and they’d have to comply because you are a breastfeeding mother. If they don’t you could whinge and complain really loudly, and probably sue for discrimination.
And no, I’m not being stupid. That’s exactly what these stories are implying you’re asking for. Where do we draw the line?
As a breastfeeding employee, I respected the conditions under which I was employed. I worked around my feeds. The breastfeeding was my issue, not my employers, although they were generous and supportive. I wasn’t prepared to sabotage their business for my own needs.
Sadly, I believe if this ridiculousness continues, it’s going to get worse for breastfeeding mums. It won’t be long before they will be spoken about like we do about smokers .. with contempt, about how they’re allowed to take extra long tea breaks and don’t care about the impact they’re having on the business and rest of the staff. Other employees will resent them, bitch about them, and make their life hard.
The difference between smokers and breastfeeding mums is that smokers aren’t as emotionally vulnerable, and don’t take the abuse as personally as breastfeeding mums.
It’s my personal opinion that the breastfeeding organisations and supporters who are behind this are doing some serious damage to their cause, and potentially creating a situation where breastfeeding mums are unemployable.
Or would be if people could get away with not employing them. Also, they’re scaring people off breastfeeding. Why would they continue if this is what they beleive (thanks to the very loud rhetoric) happens to breastfeeding mums in the workplace?
And while smokers (a habit I abhor, and if I had my way, I wouldn’t employ them, either) may take extra long breaks, at least they don’t cause this kind of trouble for their employers.
(Yes, I’m aware of the health implications of smoking and the health benefits of breastfeeding – so if I can’t compare the two of them here, nor can anyone else when complaining about how smokers can take longer breaks and breastfeeders are (allegedly) discrimiated against).
As Mums, we really do underestimate our AWESOMENESS!
Posted by: | CommentsI can’t believe how amazingly creative and talented I am. I can and do do things that I never, ever thought imaginable. And things I never, even thought I’d be interested in doing.
Pre-kids, and when I was first a Mum, I heard all the hilarious things that Mums do – you know, chef, maid, chauffeur, psychologist, terrorist negotiator … the rest.
Then there’s the things they don’t tell you – poologist, wearer of WeetBix, creative food stylist …
I never imagined I would become a songwriter, though. How exciting.
I don’t know a Mum who doesn’t walk around singing songs they’ve made up to their babies. Songs that make baby laugh, because, well, they’re babies and don’t understand, otherwise they’d tell you to shut up. Most of my songs contain the word “doodle”, because I have boys.
But I went all Wiggles the other night, and penned (not literally) an educational song, designed to encourage my six year old to eat his vegetables. It was a very good one. Feel free to use it yourself.
It goes like this;
Vegetables, vegetables,
Vegetables are YUM!Vegetables, vegetables,
Help poo come our your BUM!
It’s good, because it has the words “poo” and “bum” in it.
What awesome things have you done?
Breastfeeding mums are either paranoid or sanctimonious
Posted by: | CommentsYou may or may not recall, but I recently conducted a survey on Breast and Bottle feeding in public places. Thanks to the fabulous 446 women who responded – very much appreciated!
The aim of the survey, really, was to get some awesome comebacks for when people commented to mums who were feeding their babies in public, either with their boobs, or with a bottle.
Sadly, aside from the suggestion of “If you are offended bymy breastfeeding, please feel free to put a blanket over your own head”, which has been around for aaaages and “Fuck Off” as suggested by a number of respondants to the survey, we didn’t get what we wanted out of the survey.
The survey pretty much consisted of 5 questions:
1. If you feed/ever fed your baby in public did you breast feed (91.3%) or bottle feed (34.8%) – the crossover of numbers reflects those that did both breast and bottle feeding in public.
2. Did you ever feel uncomfortable feeding your baby in public? Yes or No – Please explain the Yes.
3. Did you ever receive any comments, postive or negative, from the general public whilst feeding?
4. If “Yes” to the previous question, how did (or didn’t) you respond? and
5. What do you wish you had said? What would you like to have said or would say if in the same situation again? Don’t hold back! … what would you really like to have said? (this last one being the whole point of the excercise).
Whilst we weren’t then able to come up with a list of 10 Great Responses To People Who Comment on You Feeding Your Baby In Public, the research resulted in some great, and not so great, observations.
We discovered breastfeeding mums are paranoid and/or sanctimonious, and bottle feeding women are self-denigrating – BIG TIME!
Interestingly, despite nowhere in the survey asking for it, a number of responses from those who breastfed referred to the “poison” of forumla and a number of quite dispariging remarks regarding formula, bottle feeding and/or bottle feeders.
On the plus side of this, this number wasn’t huge (6% of respondees) but enough to note it’s presence.
A slightly greater number (just over 9%) of bottle feeding mums answerd “No” to the uncomfortable feeding in public because they “couldn’t breastfeed, so I didn’t breastfeed them in public”. Um, that wasn’t the criteria - we asked about feeding in public and specified breast OR bottle. When I lasted check, giving a baby a bottle of formula was still feeding them, right? Or did I miss something somewhere. The sad thing was the way they spoke about themselves in relation to their inability to breastfeed. Made us cry.
As for being uncomfortable feeding in public, a majority said the didn’t feel uncomfortable (56.5%) and 43.5% did. The most common response for feeling uncomfortable was a wriggly baby who pulled off and they didn’t want everyone to see their boobs. Second most common, and nowhere near as many, said they did feel uncomfortable when first attempting breastfeeding in public, but once they got the hang of it, they were mostly ok. And Fathers-in-law were a big culprit, with a few stating they didn’t like breastfeeding in front of theirs.
A few bottle feeders also felt awkward, ashamed or as though they were/would be judged.
As far as comments went, 41.3% said that no one had commented to them at all when feeding, and 58.7% had had someone comment. An overwhelming 61% of these comments were positive. Of the remaining 39% although respondants had ticked yes, almost half of those weren’t actually comments, just people “looking at me”. Some where quite obvious glares, and one a weird lady. The remainder were not necessarily distaste, and could have just been “glancing in my direction”.
Again, interestingly, considering the amount of media related to bresatfeeding mums being discriminated against, of the remaining “negative comments” only 2% were directed to breastfeeding mums, and of those, most were teenage boys sniggering. And one husband who vehemently objected, using the word “tart”. Hrm. The rest of the negative comments were directed at bottle feeding mums, particularly pertaining to “breast is best”, one mum being told she could not use the parents room as they were for breastfeeding mums only, and several being verbally attacked.
So, while some breastfeeding mums were seriously sanctimonious, and some bottle feeding mums were seriously self-denigrating, the number was few, which is nice.
And breastfeeding mums did appear to be just a wee bit (ok, a lot) paranoid when it came to feeding in public, most more worried about what people might think or be thinking, not what was actually happening. Would be lovely to see them not so paranoid and just do it.
Particularly when most (98%) of the negative comments were directed at bottle feeding mums! I can understand why they may be self-denigrating (but please get over it, it’s not good for anyone!)
The bit we liked most, however, was not so much the fact that almost half the respondants hadn’t had anyone comment, but that of those that did have someone comment, they were positive comments. And some very lovely ones in there, too. It warmed our hearts to know that a majority of people said nice things to mums feeding their babies, and mostly breastfeeding mums. Makes a lovely change from everything else we’re hearing about the way breastfeeding mums are treated and spoken to.
Once again, sorry we can’t yet produce a list of Awesome Comebacks, and we thank everyone for taking the time to complete our survey, share your stories and be honest about your experiences. It was greatly appreciated.
